Restaurant review: The wrong sort of pasta Gamal Nkrumah learns how a disappointing reality failed to live up to the Italian dream You don't have to be Italian to enjoy genuine Italian dishes -- but you do have to be starving and desperate for sustenance to want to go to an Italian restaurant that serves the famous treats of that most beautiful of Mediterranean lands and pay good money for what barely passes as "authentic Italian food". So what does all this portend? La Trattoria is a new Italian eatery in the heart of the leafy Cairene island- suburb of Zamalek. But it is not the most intriguing, or inviting, of restaurants. The food might be filling, but it is far from the tasty authentic Italian meals adored and renowned the world over. This "Italian eatery" is, at least, cosy and clean. And, the toothy smile of the single waiter provided a warming welcome. The first thing that caught my eye upon flicking through the menu was the cannelloni topped with béchamel sauce. I craved those pasta shells -- the tasty pasta the Italians call "big pipes", stuffed with ground beef, garlic, spinach and cheese, perhaps a savoury stuffing of ricotta. The waiter shook his head in disappointment. "I am sorry no cannelloni," he whispered in a disconsolate garble of hushed tones. Once I learnt that they had no cannelloni I knew instinctively that our sojourn in La Trattoria was never going to be much fun. The menu looks good on paper, but most of the dishes on offer are not actually available. They did serve the lasagna al forno (lasagna in the oven) that day. I opted for the lasagna verdi con ragu -- green lasagna with spinach added and topped with a meat sauce. Alas, it proved a disappointment. The alternate layers of dry greyish green pasta presented were obviously overcooked in some hideous microwave that drained the meal of all moisture and freshness. I had imagined the dish topped with Parmigiano Reggiano, but the jumbled sheets of pasta were drenched in the most unpalatable Bolognaise sauce imaginable. The pitifully small amount of ground meat, which was disgustingly reminiscent of bits of brown chewed paper, was crudely shoved aside to a sad corner of the dry dish. The strangely burnished tomato sauce was pushed over at the opposite end. The eatery was eerily empty, and I was beginning to understand why. The fusilli with blue cheese salsa was despicable. But, my partner swore that it was palatable. The sauce was far too rich, and a tad too salty. I toyed with the idea of tasting the zuppa di cavolo, cabbage soup, but resisted. Instead, my partner and I ordered yet another pasta dish. The fettucine al pesto, with basil and pine nuts, was disgraceful to say the least. The pine nuts were nowhere to be found. The waiter said that they were pulverised, the poor things, losing all the nutty flavour in the process. There was a hint of some herb, but it was hard to tell which particular spice that was -- certainly there was no basil in the pesto. The pasta dishes set the tone for the entire eatery -- it was Italian only in name. The lasagna, the fettucine, the fusilli were all found wanting. This applies above all to the sauces, they were bland -- colourless, odourless and tasteless with the exception of the especially pungent blue cheese sauce of the fettucine, tasting more of anchovies than blue cheese. My partner insisted still that it was "not bad". The saving grace of La Trattoria, however, was the freshly baked bread served Italian style with pure extra virgin olive oil. We dipped the delicious bread in the olive oil and it was simply divine. Desert was the bitterest disappointment of the evening. I was indeed ready for a trolley load of mouthwatering Italian treats. For a moment cassatta con arancio condito, caramelised orange, caught my imagination. But, stupidly, we decided on apple tart instead. It was an atrocious concoction. The apples were in all probability a thousand years old; they certainly looked it, wrinkled and ashen black like ancient prunes. I will most certainly not be going back to La Trattoria anytime soon. La Trattoria, 13 El-Maraashly St, Zamalek, Tel: 02 7350470
