CAIRO - Who smokes? Is it me? Is it you? Is it him? Is it her? Is it it? Is it us? Is it them? OK, so after we have finished with the verb ‘to smoke', let me tell you that smoking is not only a very bad habit, but it is also a very bad rabbit... Sorry, I wanted to say that smoking is fatal. Now I have a confession to make and I'm not proud of it... I am a heavy smoker. This is why I sometimes suffer while fasting, due to the lack of nicotine... and caffeine. However, I believe things get worse after eating, because we feel this lack more. Maybe it is related in a way to the digestion or circulation. I should stop all my biological assumptions since I was never into science in general. Ironically, I am still in touch with my tenth grade physics teacher, the amazing Mr Abdel-Wahab Younes. I know that this gentleman thought I was a hopeless pupil, but we are on very good terms now. Back to smoking, a few months ago I bought one of those electronic cigarettes and, although it is milder than the brand I smoke, I got used to it quickly and cut down on real tobacco in only one day. Then that electronic thing committed suicide – I was out when the battery died and I didn't have the charger. When I got back home and tried to charge the battery, I realised that the whole device wasn't working. I, of course, complained, but, since I bought the item online, I couldn't go straight to a shop and get another one. It took them a few days to send me one that worked and by then I was back to my regular heavy smoking! Now allow me to remind you that, two weeks ago, I wrote an article about water and how we appreciate its importance while fasting. Today, as you might have noticed, we're talking about cigarettes and smoking in general. Some say that Cuban cigars are the finest. We should take appropriate action against the Gibson Brothers for promoting cigars. Moreover, the song ‘Cuba' didn't determine the amount of nicotine in each verse... I mean each cigar. When the Spice Girls invaded the world with their debut single ‘Wannabe', they said something that made no sense to people at the time – “I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah." The truth was revealed later in an interview – ‘a zigazig ah' is a cigar! Believe it or not, I'm not making this up. We all know that Victoria of the Spice Girls later married soccer star David Beckham, so did she encourage an athlete to smoke? Another girl group is the Bangles. These four beautiful young ladies had a huge hit, which also satisfied my ego as an Egyptian, because it was called ‘Walk like an Egyptian'. Anyway, the girls mentioned something we all see very often here – “Foreign types with the hookah pipes say ay oh way oh, ay oh way oh, walk like an Egyptian." The common thing is the hookah of course, aka water pipe. Tom Robinson publicly encouraged people to smoke more than once on ‘Listen to the Radio (Atmospherics)'. The first time he sang, “Smoke a cigarette," the second time he sang, “Smoke another cigarette," and finally he added, “Smoke another cigarette"! That's three cigarettes in three minutes and 43 seconds... and I thought I was a heavy smoker! The Platters discussed a very important issue in a song. In fact, it was more of a warning about something that happens to smokers and non-smokers alike. They warned everyone by saying, ‘Smoke Gets in your Eyes'. This is quite disturbing and causes the eye to shed tears. We should have more anti-smoking numbers... except that this one was about love, broken hearts and it reminded us that, “When your heart is on fire, you must realise smoke gets in your eyes." Smoking affects the lungs and might change their colour to Deep Purple. Oops, this is a band... the same one that sang ‘Smoke on the Water', which has an interesting story behind it. The guys were in Switzerland to record an album and this coincided with a music festival. During one of the concerts, someone fired a flare and the place was burnt down. Deep Purple members watched the fire from their hotel and were inspired to make this song. The ‘water' mentioned refers to Lake Geneva. At least it wasn't a cigarette that started the fire. Germany's most successful rock band, the Scorpions, talked about smoking on the track ‘When the Smoke is Going Down'. I thought Germans took health matters seriously, but it seems... what? The song is not about tobacco? How come? Are you sure it is about live performances? Actually lyrics like “I climb the stage again this night cause the place seems still alive when the smoke is going down" confirm your point. OK, I will disqualify the Scorpions... but I can't pretend that I've never heard of Paul McCartney's ‘Pipes of Peace'... These pipes were smoked by Native Americans (Red Indians) as a sign of peacemaking with their rivals. Sir Paul, please don't release hazardous hits again. ‘Money and Cigarettes' is the title of an Eric Clapton album. Now no-one can say Eric wasn't talking about cigarettes. He was even photographed with a cigarette in his hand on the album's cover. Eric was also the one who came up with that title, because at the time he thought he had nothing in the world but money and cigarettes! A long time ago, Smokey Robinson & the Miracles were a hugely popular band – one of the best ever on the Motown label. Of course it takes a ‘miracle' to quit smoking, but it's also not easy to quit writing such nonsense. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop myself. I guess it's a habit. Speaking of bad habits, Chicago had a wonderful song called ‘Hard Habit to Break' and don't let your imagination drift away... It was only about the hardship of getting over a woman after the breakup. Smokie (not Smokey) is a band with an addiction... You see, they have been ‘Living Next Door to Alice' for 24 years. Now Alice is gone and singer Chris Norman says, “I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice." So again, it's a song about a girl, despite the band's name! I will now go and refill all my lighters and wait for the sun to go down. Send me ashtrays to: [email protected]
