Oh no, it's Abdel-Rahman Attia, Rania and Tameem. They are here with Abdel-Rahman's friends to take over the world and eat all our koshari. Well, whatever. I really don't know what made me think of this, but one day as I was falling asleep I thought about some of the songs named after human names. That's quite interesting. Of course some of those names have nothing to do with the girls or guys these tracks were written about. I mean some artists made trillions of numbers named after different girls, so it would have been a real scandal to bluntly reveal to the public their lovers identities. It would be like saying “honey, I'm breaking up with you because now I'm madly in love with another girl and her name, phone, email, address, social security number and Facebook account will be in a song I'm writing now”! British band the Beautiful South made a song that mocks such tracks and called it “Song for Whoever”. The chorus went like this “Oh Shirley, oh Debbie, oh Julie, oh Jane, I wrote so many songs about you, I forget your name, Jenifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too” and it also includes the bars “oh Cathy, oh Alison, oh Phillipa, oh Sue, you made me so much money I wrote this song for you”. Aaah, money. No wonder the band sang “and I love the PRS cheques that you bring”. PRS is short for Performing Right Society, which means that every time the song is played the band makes money. Three decades ago Shakin' Stevens was hugely popular in his country the UK the man was really imitating the singing, sound, looks and moves of the 1950s rock ‘ n roll stars. I think there was another reason behind his enormous popularity – girls. Yes he sang for “Shirley”. He loved her so much but I still recall that he also loved Julie and made her a number called “Oh Julie”. As for the third girl, she was called “Marie Marie”. It seems that Shaky had more love than he could handle. When someone's finger is caught in the door they cry in agony something like “ouch”, “aaah” or “oooh” so maybe Carol King did this to Neil Sedaka. That is the only explanation I have for Neil's song title “Oh Carol”. Others say that he simply had a crush on her and that's why he made the song, but what do they know? My analysis makes more sense… by the way, both artists are American… Just like the legendary band the Beach Boys, who needed help badly and screamed for it saying “Help Me Rhonda”. It seems Ms. Rhonda wasn't available at the time, so the boys called “Barbra Ann”. OK guys, one girl at a time please. Being superstars doesn't give you the right to take away all the girls… I HATE YOU! Do you like ballet? Apparently Sweden's finest band Abba did. This quartet told us the interesting story of “Nina Pretty Ballerina”, who was an ordinary girl by day and a star by night. Could she be the “Dancing Queen” they told the world about? Who cares? They left her and went to war with “Fernando”. So they were no that much into dancing after all. Some guys are really lucky… when a very impressive lady sings about and for a specific man he must be very special. Imagine the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin in the flesh – and the vocal chords – shouting “Jimmy Lee”. I really envy that man. What about the world's most successful and most popular band ever? The Beatles immortalised a few girls in their songs. For example, the Fab Four sang for the French beauty called “Michelle”, whoever she was. There was also “Julia”. I bet the two girls are grabbing each other by the throat now. By the way, “Hey Jude” doesn't count, since Paul McCartney first wrote it using the name “Jules” instead. That was short for Julian, John Lennon's first son. The only one who was called “dear” by the Beatles was Prudence Farrow, the sister of movie star Mia Farrow. The song is called “Dear Prudence”, to give it its full name. Michael Jackson had a very peculiar character and an extremely unique taste in everything, so probably no one was surprised when he released the track called “Ben”. I would have loved to put it on the “songs named after boys” list, but there's only one simple problem… the “Ben” in the song was not a boy… he was a mouse! I am so serious. We learned a good lesson from Michael. Next time you see a mouse, rat or dinosaur don't kill them and instead write them a hit song and be very rich and famous. Let's not forget that one of Michaels' hits was “Dirty Diana”. What kind of soap was she using? Olivia Newton-John was the gorgeous girl, who starred in the timeless movie “Grease”, along with John Travolta. That was back in 1978, when she was only 30. I'm sure she was adored by all men at the time and that's why she was nicknamed Olivia Neutron Bomb. Mind you, she is still gorgeous today and I'm sure “Sam” was thrilled when she sang for him. The question is… who on earth is Sam? Do you happen to know any real estate agent? I'm trying to help American rock band Smokie. These guys have been “Living Next Door to Alice” for 24 years, which must be very boring! Can you imagine that for “24 years just waiting for a chance to tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance”? What kind of a man, I mean of a band, would wait all those years to tell a girl how they love her? Finally Alice was fed up and moved out, so Smokie doesn't live next door to her anymore. Forget about the real estate thing! Thank you. Maybe it's better to leave the country and the continent all together and fly to Spain, just like Elton John's friend “Daniel” did. I'm not sure how close they were, but on that song Elton said “Daniel my brother” so it seems they were real buddies. Anyway, with all the money he has, I don't think Elton will have any problem visiting him in Spain. He might as well buy a chateau or two to feel comfortable there. Another British iconic artist is Rod Stewart, who had trouble waking someone up… Yes he kept saying wake up “Maggie May”. He also said “it's late September and I really should be back at school”. Maybe Maggie May found this conversation very boring and that's why she dozed off! Someone else who had a lot to do with education was actor Dustin Hoffman. Didn't he play “The Graduate” in the movie with the same name? This film will always be remembered, because it also featured the brilliant song “Mrs. Robinson” by the exceptional American duo Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. We'll get back to this duo two weeks from now. Send me your name to: [email protected]
