The revolution is teaching mothers new ways of keeping their family, jobs and lives intact. Dena Rashed joins the moms in their pursuit of normalcy There is a demonstration a few blocks away. You have to go to work and at the same time you have to drop your child off at school or visit your mother, then take the toddler back home. How safe is it and how long would you be stuck in traffic? Many mothers have recently been confronted with such situations and decisions. Nine months following the 25 January Revolution, family routine is almost back to normal, but there have been quite some changes in how mothers feel and how they are raising their children. It appears in the deepest human feelings of fear and in the most trivial decisions of the day. It can't be denied; something has changed. From watching and listening to the stories of other mothers, the nature of each has been a major factor in dealing with the changes that this era has brought into effect on its families. While traffic in Cairo has always been a factor delaying many appointments, now it has proven a deal breaker in the schedule of many mothers. Spending hours in traffic leaves many working mothers exhausted and concerned about making it on time. One stay-at-home mother who lives downtown explains that she doesn't go anywhere two hours before her children return from school, so that she would be 100 per cent sure she is home when they arrive. Yet with mothers who are working, it is different. Making it on time has to be planned fairly well, and for others who don't have a grandmother or a nanny to help, missing a day at work is expected. Nesma Ali, a mother of two, explained that after the Maspero events of last week, when clashes erupted between demonstrators and the army, the school sent her a message at night: "tomorrow is off." Some schools take extra precautionary measures and thus mothers have to be ready for such changes. "I am lucky to have my mother take care of my kids, but for other mothers it isn't that easy," Ali said. Mona Ahmed, 35, a working mother of two, explains that so far she worries about her kids going to school on the outskirts of Cairo. "Everyday I have to comfort myself that everything will be all right." Incidents like Maspero left Ahmed in tears, yet she says she has to pull it off for her kids. She is also a mother who makes sure not to leave her home if her children are expected for fear of being stuck somewhere in traffic. "I even let the school bus drop them by my work and I wait for them earlier," she added. The first days of the revolution were characterised by fear and panic, especially due to the lack of security, which started on 28 January when police vanished from the streets. As Egyptians formed neighbourhood watch groups to safeguard their families and properties, some mothers shook off that feeling of panic and worrying for good. Reham Mohamed, 32, a manager at an Internet company who has two children, remembers how back then everything was chaotic. "It was on 28 January that the security apparatus collapsed and the looting started, but Egyptians were quick and the neighbourhood vigilantes across the country were formed in one day. This only proved how we as Egyptians learn how to cope easily with stressful times," said Mohamed. However, being a working mother with two boys, Mohamed's obligations increased. The months after the revolution, she was worried about her sons going by the school bus, so she started dropping them off herself. "A change of plan meant that some days I couldn't make it to work on time and at others I had to leave early to pick them up. I even organised a schedule with another working mother taking turns. It was a phase that we had to go through to survive," she said. "Nowadays if any incident happens before my children's sports training, I cancel it." Before the revolution, what gave Egypt an edge over other countries was how safe it was all the time, she argues. "Now we are just like other countries when it comes to security on the street. I never used to worry about allowing my kid to go to the club on his own but now I do. I have developed a new sense of thinking about the unexpected." Although it might seem stressful, Mohamed admits she is okay with it and has been taking matters in stride since she understood what is going on in the country. "What we do now is watch the news if an incident happens and accordingly switch our plans. But I think many people have gotten used to the changes and aren't fazed by demonstrations taking place in different places," she argued. Being originally a practical couple, who use humour to get over stressful situations, Mohamed remembers her last Valentine's gift. "My husband got me an electric shocker for self-defence," she giggled. Both have developed a new perceptive to assess the demonstrations or unexpected events. Her husband shares her thoughts. In the past few months, when he used to hear that there would be demonstrations in Tahrir Square on Friday, and heard rumours of expected violence, he would take his car early Friday morning and take a look at the square himself and assess the numbers and the mood, then plan his family day-off accordingly. For other working mothers, a change of plan is not the only problem. It concerns more trying to teach their children the value of work. "When going to work was difficult during the first couple of months after the revolution, with the delay in school admissions, I had to teach my children, nine and six, why I still have to go to work and how important it is despite their fear of what they heard and saw in the news. I wanted them to know that what I am doing is what is right and that courage is what defines our personalities at the end," said Ali. She still adopts this approach and whenever an incident happens she makes sure to go out and bring them treats on her way back to work, just to make them feel that nothing has changed in their routine. "While I have become more cautious, like not letting them go on an errand outside the house on their own, I also try to teach them to have faith and look after themselves in case trouble happens." Making sure they excel at work and taking care of their families remains a priority for many working mothers, but dealing with the emotional effect of the incidents affecting their children seems to be on top of the mothers' list. Explaining the political situation of the revolution is still a tough one for many mothers. Mohamed recalls that to explain to her six-year-old the toppling of the regime, she had to come up with her own version of Lion King. "It had to be the jungle theme, how the lion was old and the wolves took advantage and so on, and after hearing it, he somehow understood what we were going through." She also recalls how she was shocked with the reaction of the children in her son's school at a recent costume party in kindergarten. "A young boy was wearing a police uniform and my son told me the other kids started saying, 'the people want the removal of the regime' but when they saw another boy in a military uniform, they yelled, 'the people and the army are one'. When kids started mirroring certain sentiments of the revolution, I had to make sure my son didn't just mimic what he heard, and to explain that many policemen are good people despite all." As for Ali, explaining the Maspero events in which more than 20 people were killed, seemed the toughest. "My nine-year-old girl thinks it is a nightmare and can't comprehend that this happened in Egypt, so comforting her wasn't easy and I had to make sure that she understood, by talking to her for a long time, that Egypt is better and stronger than whatever horrible events take place." From her experience, Ali argues that what will certainly pass is the phase we are in, but what stays in the memory of her children is what will last forever. She believes mothers in this situation have to exert more effort and come up with a clear interpretation of the events. "Our generation hasn't had any political turmoil in the past 30 years, but our parents witnessed wars and our children are now in the middle of a revolution. So everyday we have to be up to the challenge of making sure they lead a normal life and that they understand what is happening around them," Ali added. "It's about keeping the faith that we will have a better Egypt for them."
