Going to school for the first time or after a long vacation can cause anxiety in children. Gihan Shahine listens to experts' advice on how to handle pre-school jitters Mona, mother of daughter Farah, says that Farah sometimes gave her a hard time on her first days at school. Like many kindergartners, Farah sometimes screamed, whined, or pleaded that her mother would stay longer or take her back home. This state of anxiety remained with Farah for some time, and even now as a grade-schooler, Farah can still resist waking up in the morning and dressing for school, especially in the first days after the long summer vacation. Farah was probably suffering from separation anxiety, which, experts insist, most children suffer from after long vacations or when they go to school for the first time. This state of anxiety takes different forms, has different causes, and may occur at different school stages. Whereas psychologists say it is normal for most pre-school children and kindergartners to suffer from separation anxiety during the first weeks of school, grade-schoolers may also suffer back-to-school anxiety after long vacations. When still in pre-school and kindergarten, according to Lisa Medoff of the website babycentre.com, a child is still negotiating the first steps toward independence. This is both exciting and scaring, especially when those first big steps are taken away from the mother, be it at the pre-school or at the kindergarten. The very idea that the child is now "his or her own person, with wants and needs that are separate from yours" brings "the realisation that you may not always be by his or her side," Medoff explains. "Going to pre-school can make this last point painfully clear, causing your child to become anxious about letting you out of his or her sight." School-age children guide Katherine Lee agrees that children worry in the first days and perhaps weeks of kindergarten. "Imagine what it must be like to suddenly leave the familiar comfort of home and be dropped into a new environment where everything and everyone is different," Lee writes on the website childparenting.about.com. According to Dacey, children can be afraid of things that may not occur to their parents, like the change from one classroom to another, getting lost, or not being able to find the bathroom. "Other kids are nervous about the move from a separate kindergarten playground to the main schoolyard, or the fact that their new classroom is on a different wing of the building," Dacey says. Heba El-Shahawi, a professor of child psychiatry at Ain Shams University in Cairo, however, insists that the level of separation anxiety can depend on whether parents are overprotective or not. Yet, many kindergartners are also shy by nature -- a problem that specialists say most children outgrow in time -- and this can also make them anxious at school. Although El-Shahawi would still insist that this shyness problem is rooted in a lack of self-confidence caused by parental overprotection, experts at babycentre.com argue that "even the most confident child is bound to feel a certain amount of separation anxiety, fears about school, and about making friends," which become increasingly important at this stage. Children, however, display anxiety in different ways. It is normal that some kindergartners melt down, cry, and even have stomach ache when it is time to go to school. Other children, according to Medoff, "may fight with you about getting dressed in the morning, refuse to make eye contact with or talk to the teacher, throw a tantrum, or just be over clingy." Some children are easier to adapt than others: shyer children, for instance, usually take longer to adjust to new environments. Wendy Bravo, a marriage and family therapist based in the United States, also insists that nature may be a factor, and that whereas some children are "simply born anxious," others are much more adventurous and like new experiences. The good news is that in all cases therapists insist anxiety can be short-lived if handled properly. There are ways and strategies that parents can follow to ease children into the first days in kindergarten and grade school and alleviate their fears and anxiety. Tips on how to alleviate separation anxiety in the first weeks of kindergarten and school include: *** Prepare the child for the big day: Experts insist that planning ahead can alleviate separation anxiety. Making several visits to school before it starts, meeting with your child's teachers and friends and taking a tour around can help alleviate a child's anxiety and concerns about getting lost. It will help make your child feel safer and more familiar with the new environment and confident that he or she will fit in with new teachers and friends. Going on a bus for the first time can be equally scaring for young children. Experts at babycentre.com advise mothers of kindergartners to try to visit the bus station before the school starts and even consider going on the bus with the child on the first day or two of school. Hooking the child to an older child to be a "bus buddy" is a good idea as well. Read books and stories about school together and talk with a child about what he or she expects and fears most: "Then address those fears through a puppet play where you introduce solutions to how to solve problems, like how your child would get to eat or go to the bathroom at school," El-Shahawi advises. Tell him or her of how much fun there is to be had at school, while also preparing for class routine. Do not belittle a child's fears: Instead, discuss those fears and brainstorm for solutions that can help quell them. Be clear about morning routine: Experts insist that knowing the morning drill makes things easier in the morning. "A child will be much less anxious if he or she is given enough time before going to school," El-Shahawi notes. "Rushing the morning drill creates anxiety for children." Encourage your child with a gift: It would be nice if that gift is related to school, like having a new alarm clock to help the child stick to the schedule, or even a photo frame bearing his or her photo in uniform on the first day at school. Don't show your own anxiety: If your child is going to school for the first time, remember not to show your own anxiety. Children easily pick up on their parents' mood. Do not prolong the separation process on the first day of school: "Take your child to the classroom, hug her, tell her that you love her, tell her what time you will be back to pick her up, and then leave," writes babycentre.com. "Do not stay or return if your child begins to cry. If you have put the effort into selecting the right school for your child, then the teachers will know how to distract your child and make her feel comfortable." Always be there on time to pick up your child: A child, experts say, will separate easily when he or she feels confident that parents will be there to pick him or her up on time, especially on the first days of school.
