Like many things we do in business, meetings do have a process! Surprise, surprise for some, I believe. Maybe we need to revisit how we call for meetings, let alone how we conduct them, and while we're at it identify the crime committed in the process. If you can recall typical meetings you attended in your business career, you'd probably come up with that same scenario. I placed myself in someone else' shoes (even I'm not much into bowling!) to envision this meeting invitation (Take a deep breath!): The boss (or his secretary) would inform me in the morning that there will be a meeting by the end of the day. I'm usually not told the agenda, the exact time to start, time to finish, who will attend…etc, etc, etc. I'd spend the rest of the day in a pensive mood. Just like old-fashioned movies, I initiate an internal dialogue: “What have I done? Why now? Who told him?” When the “end of the day” falls (when is that…which hour?) the anxiety grows bigger and bigger. I call the boss (or his office) to enquire if I should come to the meeting. The answer is typically, “Yea, in a few minutes” or worse “Yea, any time now”. I go there, but to my surprise I'm the only one there, because the rest of my colleagues know the drill, and they won't budge until the third and final call (Yes, just like airport calls). The secretary is often too busy, so she won't even give a hoot about me being in the office, let alone telling me that the boss is still stuck on October flyover and not expected in the office for at least another 30 minutes. I sit down, casually start flipping through some old business magazines, or worse the company newsletter that dates back to my college days. I will, of course, notice the boss smiling face on the newsletter cover with an editorial urging everyone to start the last quarter of the year on a high note. That'll be the last quarter of the year 2007. Nice reminder of the good old days, or is it that I'm just in a state of déjà vu? Eventually, the boss enters with a bang (like they do in sitcoms) with a loud statement yelling on the phone “…we could…but..no problem, no problem…I will get Suzy to start it right away…just make sure the folks at your end….(mumble mumble….)” The last part the boss normally edits out. This is the part with the curse words or what we call in the business “confidential”. The boss wouldn't even acknowledge me, jumps straight to poor Suzy and give her a load of complicated instructions to implement his impossible promise to his mysterious phone pal. Suzy looks puzzled in the face, but active in the hands writing notes. (You'd pay a fortune to see those notes!) The boss, finally, “sees” me. “Hello?”. If you cannot guess, I could tell you how painful that “hello” in a question format is. It's the equivalent of “and what are you doing here?” Yes, the man has completely forgotten about the meeting! We are not talking Alzheimer case here, it's just corporate life or “the way we do business round here!” Suzy, the expert in boss behavior analysis, would always cover up. “Mr. Attar is here for the meeting.” I could almost see the expression “what meeting?” on the face….but quickly he puts the serious look on and speeds to his desk. “Where is everybody? Where is the management team? Did you tell them about the meeting?” You hear all that coming from behind his desk. “They are on their way” (Suzy is obviously lying!) Frantically, she starts calling everyone. I hear her second lie: “He's been here for a while and wondering why you're late!”…..Minutes later, heads peep through the door wondering if “all are in yet!”. That was the one statement I never understood. I came up with my wisdom saying “If nobody comes unless everybody is in, we will never have anybody!” OK, we're – eventually – all in. Still nobody knows why we're here or how long we will have to discuss this….you know why? Because once we're in, we had to listen to everybody's agony (and funny lines) about “what a day this has been”…normally starting by the boss story! These stories will be interrupted twice by the coffee service: once to order and another to deliver and look for the fancy coasters. If you add to this the few Suzy interruptions with “urgent and important” phone calls, then you get a full panoramic picture. Traditionally, the boss would ask Suzy to tell the caller “I'm in a meeting”, then ask who he is….then take the call!!! “Just a quick one, sorry guys!” That is never quick, and the “sorry guys” is nothing but an opener for a series of “sorry guys” till….the end of the meeting that never was! However, there are other opportunities that we did actually have the meeting. We need to talk about these, right? But I suppose we'll have to have another meeting for that next week. Sorry, guys!
Attar, an independent management consultant and organisation development authority, delivers seminars in the US, Europe, the Middle East, Africa and the Far East. email:[email protected]
