It has come to my attention from informed government sources that the next cabinet reshuffle will be wide-ranging. It will include 21 ministers that are more than half the current number, who have been inefficient in managing their portfolios and have shown a lack of vision. According to my sources, these ministers do not include the "economy group affiliated with one of the key committees of the ruling National Democratic Party. My sources also added that the president will look into the reshuffle as soon as he's done with the Annapolis conference which will resolve the heart of the Middle East conflict and will not be satisfied with solving its various side issues. The Middle East conflict will no longer exist. In fact there will no longer be a Middle East to speak of, but a group of separate states with no links between them and with no identity. But if these states insist on being part of any group, then they will have no other choice but to follow the advice of US-friendly French President Nicola Sarkozy and form a Mediterranean group which would rid us once and for all of the region's futile states like Saudi Arabia, the Gulf countries and Iraq, none of which overlooks the Mediterranean. There's also the Greater Middle East project suggested by the Texan-grown US President, which was later amended into the New Middle East. This, however, mean the inclusion of other states which may not be as nice as the ones expelled by Sarkozy's project, such as Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran and Turkey. I inquired about the ministers, whose expiry date is usually written on the bottom, and was told that Egyptian ministers don't have an expiry date because they're made of expired material to start with. This means that they don't undergo any change no matter how long they remain in the cabinet. All they must do is become aware of the magnitude of the changes taking place in the international arena post-Annapolis and their effect on the local situation. My source cited Culture Minister Farouk Hosni as an example. So I asked, "What's wrong with him? He said: "All those ideas about restoring old monuments and reviving our ancient heritage as well as demanding the return of our stolen antiquities from international museums . all these policies are history now. We live in the age of globalization and soon we'll enter the post-Annapolis era that will have none of this. There will only be one international heritage which consists of jeans, hamburgers and coca cola. That's what the modern man looks like; not like the tannoura dancer or the face of Nefertiti. My source also said that the ministries of electricity, energy and water resources will be merged into the Ministry of Selling and Privatization which will be authorized to sell electricity, petroleum and gas - and the Nile, of course - to the private sector which has proven its efficiency in managing these areas all over the world. The next era - post-Annapolis, that is - is the age of the private sector, businessmen and entrepreneurs and will not witness any of the mistakes made by previous eras. As for the ministries that will be cancelled altogether, they will be the ones that have proven completely useless like the old school Ministry of Defense; in the next era there will be no war or defense of any kind. The Ministry of Social Solidarity will all go because it makes not difference whether or not it exists; and so will the Ministry of Environment - but we'll keep the black cloud and assign it a Nubian minister. I asked: "So when is that reshuffle going to happen? to which my source replied with sorrow, "It's in the president's office right now, but we hope he won't refuse it the way he refused setting up a new capital city. Mohamed Salmawy is President of the Arab Writer's Union and editor-in-chief of Al-Ahram Hebdo. This article is syndicated in the Arabic press.
