CAIRO - Images of her father and mother fighting with each other still haunt Sabine, making her think a thousand times before deciding to get married. Sabine, an engineer in her mid-thirties, is still unmarried. She has really suffered since her parents got divorced when she was 15; ever since, she has been torn between her father and her mother. This is the main reason why Sabine has rejected all her suitors so far. Sabine is far from unique in this. Many Egyptian girls refuse to get married quickly; because they hesitate, society frowns on them. "I don't want my children to suffer the way that I have. I am 37 and still haven't met a man whom I consider to be a responsible person. “All my suitors have been selfish, hesitant and angry. There's been nothing about them to suggest that marriage would be a success," Sabine told the Egyptian Mail in an interview. ‘To be single is better than to get married and regret it'. ‘Better a man's shadow than a wall's'. These two Egyptian proverbs, reiterated by mothers, aunties, grandmothers and even friends to young, nubile women, seem to contradict each other. The former means that a woman shouldn't get married just to escape from the label of 'spinster', because she might regret it later on, while the latter means that marrying any man is better than remaining single. Egyptian girls, who are still unmarried at the age of 30, find these two proverbs puzzling. They wonder what they should do and how they can satisfy everybody, including themselves. "Like any girl, I'm dreaming of my wedding day, having my own home and starting a family, but I'm afraid of getting married, because I've heard so many tragic stories from my married friends," said Nevine, a Coptic girl aged 29. "Marriage is a very strong bond especially in Christianity, where it is not easy to get a divorce if the marriage isn't working, so a girl must be very cautious in her choices," Nevine added to the Mail. Spinsterhood is like a ghost haunting every Egyptian family that has daughters, so many families resort to arranged or ‘salon marriages', so their girls will not be labelled as 'spinsters'. According to a recent study by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research, 29.7 per cent of adult males and 28.4 per cent of adult females are unmarried. “I nearly underwent a salon marriage. A guy came with his mother to see me and started telling me that, if we got married, I'd have to start wearing the hijab and stop working as a pharmacist," says 31-year-old Nihal, who blushes as she recalls how embarrassed she was. Laila, a 34-year-old French-language teacher, who has yet to tie the knot, wonders whether it is better to make society or make herself happy, even if society looks down on her as a 'spinster'. "I'm not against arranged marriages, but what should I do if I don't find the right man? It's my most basic right to choose my life partner, whose way of thinking I like," she says. "For me, it is better to be dubbed a spinster than to live in misery then get divorced ��" the same society that blames me for being a spinster will then blame me for being a divorced woman." Our society is suffering from a real phobia against unmarried women in their thirties. As a girl approaches the age of thirty, she comes under huge pressure from her family and society as a whole to get married, even if she has a successful career. Psychologist Sawsan Fayed argues that religious institutions should encourage young people who think that marriage is a recipe for disaster to get married, while the families of the bride should lower their financial demands and conditions, so that life can move on without problems. “There are political, social and economic reasons for the high incidence of spinsterhood in Egypt; all the state's institutions should work together to solve this problem," Dr Sawsan stresses. Egyptian movies and drama have tackled this issue many times. The most popular series about spinsterhood, Ayza Atgawez, was created by blogger Ghada Abdel-Aal and starred Tunisian actress Hind Sabri. This drama discussed the idea of spinsterhood in a very funny way. In each episode, Hind had to escape from the clutches of yet another totally unsuitable groom. Unlike Ayza Atgawez, the Egyptian movie Bentein Min Masr (Two Girls from Egypt [2010]) dramatically showcases the social pressure that Egyptian youth are often subject to. Starring Zeina and Jordanian actress Saba Mubarak, the film tackles the problems of spinsterhood, unemployment and illegal immigration. The movie tells the story of two single women in their early thirties; both ladies hail from middle-class families, are well educated and have jobs, but are nonetheless fixated on getting married. Some girls prefer to remain single, but others like the second proverb, ‘Better a man's shadow than a wall's'. They are afraid to remain spinsters for the rest of their lives or to reach a certain age without getting married. “Marriage is one of the main pillars of life, and religion orders us to marry if we can afford to, in order to avoid bad practices that could corrupt society," says Omnia, a 25-year-old bank official, who doesn't mind the idea of a salon marriage. “Salon meetings are a great chance to meet good people because at least you find out about the guy's family from the word go. Also, there is no obligation ��" if both sides don't feel good, the story ends there and then without any problems," she explains.
