After another fight about getting married, a 29-year-old woman hurries to her bedroom, feeling devastated. On her way, she passes by her 38-year-old brother, who is also single, but without the drama. This scene is commonly found almost everywhere in this country, where unmarried women in their thirties are labelled as spinsters and old maids, while unmarried men in their forties are still seen as a catch. "This is huge discrimination," says Shady Abdel-Salam, who recently published a book about the problem. "It is an everyday scene, with the pressure starting once a girl finishes her higher education or even before, while a 45-year-old man living with his mum is socially accepted." While a number of female authors have tackled the issue, it's different when a man stands up for the cause, simply because he sees the other side of the story and can reveal a lot. This is exactly what Shady does in his book Al-Rigala Al-Awanes (Men Left on the Shelf), published last November. "It's just unfair to blame a girl for something that isn't really in her hands or keep her imprisoned by this issue, especially when there's no pressure at all on many men," Shady told the Mail in an interview. "We call the girl a spinster at the age of 30, while it seems that a man of the same age is just undated." An interesting point here is that out of 9 million unmarried Egyptians over the age of 35, there are far more men (5.5 million) than women (3.5 million), according to the National Centre for Social and Criminal Research. This number goes up to 13 million in other, unofficial estimates. Yet it seems that only the unmarried women stand out among Egyptians. In his book, the 36-year-old author tackles the underlying reasons for the phenomenon of only seeing women spinsters as problematic; he explores the excuses ‘men spinsters' come up with and also talks to women about how to tell if their man is sincere and serious about the relationship or not. The most common reasons for the problem are economic in nature, including poverty, unemployment and price hikes, but Shady refutes all this in his book. "This is not true!" he protests. "The so-called housing problem of the 1980s is not as serious now and prices have been soaring for the past 35 years, while parents have been developing methods to support their sons and daughters planning to tie the knot." "Also, if you look at that statistics, most marriages happen between people in the lower classes that can hardly survive; so it's not about economic status." Shady dedicates a whole chapter of his eight-chapter book to the issue of women in Islam, asserting that many widely held notions about women don't comply with the Sharia (Islamic Law). Al-Regala Al-Awanes clearly warns that men – like women – can easily be left on the shelf. Shady maintains that, if there is someone to blame for the problem, it should be men rather than woman, because, in an Eastern society like Egypt's, men, not women, take the initiative when it comes to getting married. This message is not new; a couple of years ago a blog-turned-book entitled Awza Atgawez (I Want to Get Married) gained huge popularity, when the author, Ghada Abdel-Aal, opened up about her daily routine in searching for a suitor, and about the constant pressure she encountered after reaching her thirties, still waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet. The two books share a satirical style that clearly criticises society for being schizophrenic when it comes to marriage and spinsterhood. Nevertheless, it seems that Shady's book has attracted more criticism, especially from male readers. "I have received some insulting comments from people who haven't even read the book but are only annoyed by the title," Shady said with a laugh. "But on the bright side, I have also received some positive feedback from people who say the book has changed something in their mindsets." Shady, who works for a brokerage and has two children, has written and contributed to other books on various subjects; he is currently preparing another book, Iqraai ya Bilady (Read, My Country) encouraging people to read more. "I revolt against the status quo," Shady stressed. "I want our society to develop and change. It will only change when we talk louder and keep on talking about such issues."
