American critics attending the press screening of the third, and presumably the last, installment of the record-smashing Disney franchise Pirates of the Caribbean were given a notice asking (or rather warning) not to reveal major plot resolutions. So, on behalf of all critics around the world, I d like to assure the Mickey Mouse parent company that none of us would even attempt to reveal minor details because, frankly, I highly doubt that there s a single film writer anywhere across the globe who could explain what the hell happens in this big muddled mumbo-jumbo of a film. Being obliged though to at least describe the outline of what might become this year s highest grossing film, I squeezed my brain really hard, injected myself with a good dose of caffeine and reread the film s promo details, which didn t honestly present me with any illuminating information. Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World s End follows Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and the newly resurrected Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) from the last film as they head to a site imaginatively called World s End to save Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) who s been trapped in the purgatory-like locker of Davy Jones. How did the three stooges reach the locker? How did they manage to get out? What is the locker exactly? How did Sparrow cruise his ship across the infinite desert of the same place? These questions and many, many more emerging nearly every five minutes, remain to be carefully studied by thousands of the series worshipers with plenty of time on their hands for years to come. Meanwhile, Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) forces the Flying Dutchman captain Davy Jones (Bill Nighy, still sporting glorious tentacles of facial hair) into an alliance that would enable him to obliterate the last of the pirates and rule the seas. Beckett now possesses Jones heart that the latter cut out after being betrayed by a goddess named Callipso. We later find out that Jones might have actually been the one who betrayed her and the relationship between the two is explained in a few scenes. Like every subplot in the film though, it s too complex to grasp and the film ends without knowing who might have backstabbed whom. In order to fend off this lethal coalition, Sparrow and Co. round up all pirate lords from the four corners of the earth, including Captain Sao Feng (Chow-Yun Fat), to channel their combined powers against their common enemy. At the same time, Turner tries to free his dad Bootstrap Bill (Stellan Skarsgard, still covered in fabulous starfishes and barnacles) from the eternal clutch of Jones and mend his fracturing relationship with Elizabeth who, in a separate storyline, plans to avenge the death of her recently murdered father. If you re slightly confused or overwhelmed, rest assured; there are several other major and minor plotlines and mysteries enough to fill all pages of this paper. Like the legions of the Pirates fans around the world, I totally loved the first film. It was a mindless, swashbuckling fun that was also awfully fresh and original. The plot was simple and clear, enabling director Gore Verbinski ( Mouse Trap, The Ring ) and his writers to invest their craft into the delicious humor and the dexterously designed sword duels. In the vein of all Hollywood sequels, last year s $1 billion + grossing movie was grander in scale and narrative, with a larger helping of special effects and a story that didn t make much sense. Overall, it was a bloated, non-cohesive picture that was, nevertheless, entertaining and fun to watch. A well-structured plot was never an attraction, or even a requirement, in the Pirates series. However the intricacy of storylines of the third film is so intense that, by the end of the movie, it becomes suffocating and downright frustrating. Johnny Depp s flamboyant Sparrow, aided by Rush, is the only saving grace of the film. Sparrow s novelty has, to some extent, worn off by now and there are few scenes where Depp either misses the mark or overstays his welcome. Nonetheless, Sparrow s shenanigans are still exceedingly witty and Depp s comic timing, for most of the film, is almost flawless. In addition, Rush s constant battle of wits with Sparrow over controlling the Black Pearl ship are easily the funniest, most memorable scenes of the picture. Bloom s Turner, on the other hand, is as boring as ever. Since his breakthrough role in Lord of the Rings, the young matinee idol has proven time and time again with the likes of Troy and Kingdom of Heaven that his acting abilities are quite limited. The overreacting Bloom s main problem is that he takes himself too seriously and he always pales standing next of the titan that is Depp. But even in the serious Shakespearean storyline with his father, Bloom fails yet again to entice any feelings of sympathy or empathy. No matter how little screen time Bloom occupies in a scene, it always feels excruciating to watch him do his usual emoting. Knightley, a genuinely remarkable talent judging by her heart-stealing performance in Pride and Prejudice, functions solely as a pretty stiff face and a personification of naïve girl power in this movie. She s not as tedious as Bloom (no one in the film is); she s just not interesting enough to watch for long. World s End, as expected, is filled with action sequences that start within the first five minutes of the film. These scenes, I have to admit, are skillfully executed and none of the special effects or high-octane explosions look fake or unrealistic. Like the last Spider-Man film though, the amount of sword fights and climatic sequences are excessive to the point where one feels totally numb; plus, none of these sequences matches the thrilling Kraken attack of the first sequel. Unlike the universe of multiple-sequel series Star Wars or Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World s End s world is vaguely outlined. It s darker than its two predecessors for no persuasive reasons and apart from Depp s Sparrow; the film is overall less amusing than the other two. I really didn t care what happens to the rest of the characters and at 168 minutes, the film is way too long. The Pirates world was once a great place to visit and emerge oneself in. With the third film, this world offers little appeal for one to reside in and a fourth movie is highly doubtful to repair the damage this film has done.
