Lying, a common human sin, varies in the magnitude of the lie involved. There are small lies (usually called white lies, implying their insignificance) and there are bigger lies, which usually influence a person, a decision or a situation. There are many reasons why people lie, among which are fear, insecurity, the need to conform, the need for peoples' approval or a lack of courage. These are all psychological needs, emanating from personal reasons, derived from within. We can say that these reasons are universal among all mankind, however. The social pressures that force people to lie vay from one culture to another, hence this could be one reason why people can lie, are forced to lie, or are tempted to lie. Meanwhile, there are no absolutes about any culture whatsoever. Now if we look at our society, are we forced to lie in Egypt? Are we surrounded by liars of every kind? Do we lie ourselves? How often do we lie? What things do we mostly lie about in society? In my opinion, the things that people mostly lie about are two: marriage and work, as both are quite challenging areas of life, which require a lot of effort to maintain in competitive and a somewhat reserved societies like Egypt. I would like to discuss lies in marriage, or rather, all forms of deceit in marriage. At first, I thought of splitting it from a male deceit versus female deceit perspective, however, as the same lies can be told by both genders, I decided to focus on the nature of the lie, rather than who does it, at the various stages of a marriage (as seen by me). Before Marriage: Marriage in Egypt is difficult, and the parents are concerned about finding their son or daughter a spouse. Naturally we are human beings, and hence we are not perfect. We might have unusual circumstances that might not be suitable for certain grooms or brides, but these conditions might be ideal for someone else. As a result, there should be no need to lie, but our society and culture pushes us to alter the truth. See the following examples. Men and women lie about having married before, and both take the necessary measures to hide that truth. Some even have children and denounce them and place them in orphanages. Some lie about having been engaged before, or the number of times they were engaged. Some lie about their age (both men and women). Some lie about their family background, and where they live. It even goes as far as a woman renting an apartment in a classy area for her and her family to move in, away from her relatively economically and socially lower area which she lives in. They can do this to impress, or at a minimum match, the groom's family, until the marriage contract is “sealed.” There could also be lies about the groom's profession and his education as well the bride's. There could also be lies about the financial capabilities of the groom. These are some of the highlights of the lies that could be told , but I am sure there are other more possible types of lies that can also be told. Lying is wrong, and is by no means justified, but I believe that it is culture that forces people to lie. Our society is very picky, unforgiving of social mistakes or sins, and to add to that--because there is little room for social mobility--people use marriage to climb the social and economic ladder, and to do that, occasionally they might resort to lying. In addition, parents want their daughters to marry an engineer, doctor or a college graduate versus someone who attended a two-year program at an educational institute or vocational school. As a result, people lie. While there could be bad intent behind the lying, these lies are usually made with the intention to finalize the marriage. But this is still very dangerous, even if done with the best intentions, because while they do get the marriages started, they are most likely to be a reason for the marriages to end. Deceit after Marriage: After couples get married it becomes more difficult to lie, as they live with one another. Also the types of lies that are told differ in nature. A common interesting lie told by men and women is that they both claim they had hundreds of men and women to choose from to marry, but that it was fate that made them choose their current spouse, even though they were not the best choice. The man claims he was a Don Juan, with many girls chasing him, and the woman pretends to be the heart-breaker of the century, while both may be completely inexperienced before marriage. When couples marry and differences arise in spending patterns, plus the frequency and nature of the outings that the couple pursues, come to the surface, and a tendency to lie about the past to manipulate the spouse into feeling bad and accommodating the other's lifestyle happens. For example, a wife can claim that before marriage, she would party every so often and go to the finest restaurants in town, when she was at her father's house. She could also claim that she is used to not being confined by a curfew or a budget. While this may not be true, the wife's objective is to make her husband feel bad about depriving her of the luxurious life she led before, and hence give her freedom and money or make concessions on any other issues they have between them. Aside from the above lies, there could also be different, protective type of lies. Men and woman can lie to one another about their salaries, each one fearing that the other would make further financial demands on one another, especially if one realizes that the spouse makes a lot of money or got an increase in salary. Some wives might even open separate bank accounts and not tell their husbands about them. Some men might lie about their full salaries. In addition, if the husband is somewhat cautious with money, or is a planner, the woman can lie about how much money she spent shopping, the price of the items she bought, or how much money she spent at the hairdresser. Men, on the other hand, can lie about their relationships with other women, claiming that they are just friends, while they might be cheating on their wives, though cheating is a totally different type of deception. Having looked at lies before and after marriage, we can conclude that, because there was a lack of honesty in the beginning, it can lead to a continuous chain of lies that develop and increase after marriage. Meanwhile, continuous deception requires consistency and a lot of effort, and not everyone is capable of doing that. As a result, we have a lot of broken marriages in our society, stemming from lies and blemished truths told by families or couples to be more socially appealing or acceptable for the marriages to see the light. Hence, all the lies told end up being in vain. If we were able to be honest, and follow a “what you see is what you get” approach, maybe our lives would be different, and society would be different.
