By Lubna Abdel-Aziz Last week two men cheated on their wives, and the world almost came to a stop. True, they were both prominent, rich, powerful men, causing a furor and a flurry in the media, but most of us were neither surprised nor impressed. What was that major disaster that warranted such excessive coverage? Men cheat, that is a fact. They have been doing it since the dawn of creation, all men, from every walk of life. They cannot help it. The evolutionary theory predicts that males seek more sexual partners than females, because of their higher fitness benefits, for their reproductive strategy. Naturally that refers to the animals -- all animals. A study in 1994 found a significant difference between the ages of remarried men and women, because men have a longer reproductive window. Women however, are catching up. In this age of high medical technology, they can conceive in later years, and in the cheating department, their advance has been equally remarkable. Women infidels reach 40% to the males 60%. Monogamy is an ongoing dilemma. Psychologist Jessie Bernard, concludes in her book:"The Future of Marriage"--that "Millions of words have been used to document both the naturalness and unnaturalness of monogamy. The question is actually unanswerable." Even though it is a futile debate, we continue to define it, explain it, excuse it or understand it. One thing is certain. We also expect it. Despite it, monogamy survives, but with variations. As with certain animals, monogamous pairs are not always sexually exclusive. Animals forgive their straying partners, as long as they remain together. They do not brand them as infidels. As divorce becomes more accessible, more of us have resorted to it. That does not mean that marriages cannot survive following an episode of infidelity. In fact, more than 50% do. Consider the Bill and Hilary Clinton reunion. It seems to thrive, despite his notorious sex-capades. Infidelity has a devastating impact on any relationship. Images of Adrian Lyne's spellbinding thriller, "Fatal Attraction", (1987), still haunt every would-be cheater. Most marriages will suffer the greatest marital pain possible, causing the demise of 50 per cent of them. Research finds that it is more devastating than physical abuse or rape. While religion tried to preserve the sanctity of marriage by making divorce a virtual impossibility, it only encouraged the occurrence of infidelity. In virtually all Catholic countries, France, Italy, Spain and South America, spouses enjoy extra-marital partners, allowing the institution of marriage to continue. Marriage defines our identity, our traditions and our roles in life. The Family is the unit we all build and we all serve. Why do men and now women, cheat? Affairs are glamorous. Cheaters fascinate and titillate, as we see in movies, soap-operas, novels, TV shows. Most memorable movies are made about women infidels, ( Double Indemnity, The Postman Always Rings Twice, Niagara, Unfaithful, among others), because we are conditioned to accept man's betrayal. A woman's transgression has a more formidable impact. Society practically hands men a license to cheat. The reasons women cheat are vastly different from a man's. Women primarily seek emotional fulfillment, whilst men seek sexual fulfillment and sexual variety. Men are hunters, they thrill to the chase. Seduction of the opposite sex boosts their egos, and their arrogance usually betrays them. Women are more secretive. Relations have more profound significance. They enjoy the companionship and the intimacy. Other reasons why we cheat is the excitement, curiosity,money, vanity, and even boredom. Affairs usually begin with an attraction to a friend, a neighbour or a co-worker....someone close and familiar. Very often it is the spouse of a best friend. Given certain conditions we can all become victims of infidelity, for the cheater is, as well a victim. According to an infidelity poll, cheaters are victims to venereal disease, pregnancy and jealousy, which can lead to violent outcomes. As we have seen with Dominique Strauss-Kahn, thought to have been the next president of France, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, once governor of California, among other things, indiscretions come at a high price. Yet men will continue to cheat, and so will women. Sexual addiction is often blamed as the main reason behind infidelity. While an affair can be addictive, only 7% of sexual affairs occur with sex addicts, as in the case of Tiger Woods. While we all have a disposition to be unfaithful, the wise among us have more reverence for social and family values. Perhaps we would all do it, if we could guarantee we will not get caught, but the arrogant, the reckless and the powerful can and do get caught. Thus they engineer their own spectacular downfall. According to David C. Atkins of Washington University, women are better at cheating their mates, and their affairs, more often than not, remain private. This is not an invitation to cheat, but can we help gloating a little for this sign of equality, or rather, superiority over the male species. This whole subject is unworthy of any attention, least of all in this column. Besides cheeses and sauces, the French have taught the world to take all this with a grain of salt, as well we should. The less fuss the better. There are too many problems for our world to deal with, another male indiscretion is not one of them. Let those who wish to, cheat, and likely trigger their own dramatic demise, do so at their own peril. All it should evoke is a' Ho-Hum', and one huge, collective yawn. O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive -- Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832)
