By Lubna Abdel-Aziz "Happily ever after" does not really exist, except in fairy tales. Life is hard and love is harder. With women's growing power and ability, her satisfaction in a male relationship has become more difficult and more complex. Man's emancipation to women's present status has been slow, to say the least. This may have resulted in the increasing number of divorces, broken homes and broken hearts. Psychologists have of late focused on the differences between how men view women and how women view men. One of the hardest games to play is the mating game. There are few winners and many quitters. The secret lies in not quitting. Endurance is an adjective not applied to love and marriage, but should be. It is those who endure, who will dwell in the kingdom of love's repose. What do women want? A question for the ages that even Freud could not fathom. The answer is simple -- everything! Women want everything. They want it all. For centuries they suffered the life of subordinates in a male dominated society. Tradition, religion, and social mores have devalued a woman's worth. To the present day, women in many countries, such as India and the Middle East, have not tasted the sweet nectar of equality. The world views US women as the most liberated. Yet even in their Declaration of Independence it is proclaimed that "all men are created equal" with no mention of women, "endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights." What about women's rights. Three centuries later, a woman in America can stand shoulder to shoulder by any man, having proven she is his equal in every way. But it was a long and rocky road that lasted over a century of struggle. There is still "a glass ceiling to be shattered" as Hillary Clinton remarked on losing the Democratic nomination to a male competitor. Even a black male was preferable to the once racist American voter, than a white woman. For centuries male dominated literature has downgraded women revealing as a strong resentment and envy that men feel towards women. The celebration of mothers on a relatively new born mother's day, has softened the constant ironic and demeaning blows that women have sustained from the mouths and pens of the thinking male, be it lover, husband, brother, father, or son. Today there is little doubt that women are equal to men. The subtle difference that men overlook is that while they are equal, they are still different, physically and psychology. The physical difference is tangible in form, size weight, etc. Men usually have greater upper body strength built for confrontation. Man's skull is thicker than women's, no wonder they are described as "thick-headed." On the other hand, do men know that women have four times as many brain cells (neurons)connecting the right and left sides of their brains, which means they have more efficient access to both sides of the brain. What does that mean? It means that men solve one problem at a time, whereas women can focus on several. This is easily perceived amongst the very young. Girls find boys their age "boring." Years later boys catch up with girls. The psychological differences are more enigmatic causing most men to blunder, creating frustration, tension, and eventually the downfall of a relationship. Few amongst us are willing to understand these differences, hence the destruction of a promising life between him and her. Our expectations of the opposite sex often unrealistic are insurmountable hurdles. Herein lies the challenge facing men and women of today. Understanding the differences and accepting them, lowers our expectations, therefore decreasing our disappointment and disillusions. In a recent study published by the British Journal of Psychology, women prefer men to be generous, "showing a strong preference for relationships with altruistic men." The study serves a purpose in male selection. "If a man is kind and generous towards others, even strangers, there is a good chance he'd make a good and generous parent. Dr. David Lewis, the author of Loving and Loathing: the Enigma of personal Attraction, emphasizes the fact that while women are drawn to masculine traits, they desire some femininity in a male, such as "soft hair on thick forearms, or longer than usual eyelashes." Altruism in men is seen as a "softening of their maleness." Men on the other hand are very egotistical according to Dr. Viren Swami of the University of Westminster: "they fear that women will be interested in other things and not enough in them." Computer dating has been surprisingly successful, bringing the right partners together. So much is revealed on the internet, that by the time the couple meets, their compatibility has already been explored and established. Beth Hale has updated her website on what women want. Her study concluded that the issue has come full circle, and now, women "want a husband who'll be the breadwinner." Regression? So it seems. Women in 2010 "are turning their backs on high- powered careers in favour of raising their children. Having tried full-time work themselves, they have found the home much more interesting...." Just as young women led the movement into higher levels of paid work; it seems to be young women who are leading the return to more traditional values. Such studies reveal one certainty, while men remain steadfast and predictable; women change their minds, their outlook, their demeanour. There is no universal standard to predicting what women want. While men value physical attraction in a woman, a woman seeks more subtle traits. While height may be an attraction, hirsutism (increased body hair) is not. This fact supports the "sexy son hypothesis" which posits that it is evolutionary advantages for women to select potential fathers. With spring in the air, hormones run awry, and all men's thoughs turn to the opposite sex. So do women's. After reviewing endless studies, we find ourselves right back where we started -- men complain about women and women complain about men. They cannot live together and cannot live apart. Whoever said men and women come from different planets, one alien to the other is half right. Hers was the face that launched a thousand ships, steered by a thousand men. Her powers are immeasurable and unfathomable. Freud agonized over the female psyche, a labyrinth of mixed emotions, which rendered him incapable of figuring out what women want. Since without Eve there could be no human race, all men can do is throw up their arms in total frustration and loudly cheer: Vive la Difference ! Age cannot wither, nor customs stale her infinite variety -- Anthony and Cleopatra: William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
