As a parent you know it's coming -- that dreaded moment when your adorable, innocent little boy or girl asks an embarrassing question. Reem Leila considers some of your options The humiliation to end all humiliations happened to Marwa Khaled, a 27-year-old mother whose son turned four years old last month, while they were standing in a check-out line at the supermarket. "He asked me how babies come out of their mothers! The more I tried to get him to be quiet, the louder he got. I'm sure everyone had a good laugh." Khaled goes on to lament that, "he said a lot more things, but I am not sure you could print them. How do I prevent these situations from happening? And how do I handle them when they do happen?" She is not alone in her predicament. Many parents are confused as to how to handle the embarrassing questions their children eventually throw at them. Most children aged three and older will search out their parents -- the adults they trust -- for answers to the questions, prompted by a keener awareness of their bodies. Not that the questions are only sex-related. From "how are babies made?" to "what does God look like?" young children are not embarrassed to ask the questions that come into their heads. And it is the parents who are left blushing. According to Kamelia Abdel-Fattah, professor of educational psychology at Ain Shams University, children ask questions because they have a need to know. "Discuss things when you are alone with your child and there will be fewer inappropriate questions asked in public," is one piece of advice Abdel-Fattah passed along to Al- Ahram Weekly. She added that when faced with an awkward situation, parents should remain calm and relaxed. "It is best to be as matter of fact as possible when your child asks questions. This way he or she will not get the message that talking to his or her parents about certain topics is embarrassing or taboo. This way, channels of communication remain open." Abdel-Fatah explains that, "many adults feel awkward talking about 'tricky' [namely sexual] topics with their children because they generally don't have much practice in discussing such topics. Parents who have approached me for advice say they are afraid of saying too much if a discussion was to get going." Child specialists indicate that it is best for parents to have decided on a strategy for dealing with the curious minds of their children. At pre- school and school, children are likely to be exposed to many facts, opinions and misconceptions either from their peers or from their teachers. At an early age, children hold their peers in high esteem, and are likely to put a great deal of faith in the "facts" they hear from them, no matter how outrageous they are. According to Abdel-Fatah, it is important to realise that young children are ready for slightly more sophisticated answers to their questions about sexuality and other sensitive issues. But the best answers are those which are short and uncomplicated. When four-year-old Sally asked her mother, 32-year-old Nashwa Shaath, how babies are made, her mother was ready for her. "I told her that the creation of babies is an amazing thing and that it happens when God feels that mummy and daddy love each other and want a baby. God then creates the baby in the mother's tummy," Shaath recounted to the Weekly. Some kindergartners will be satisfied with that kind of answer, others will have a barrage of follow-up questions. "Keep answering the questions as long as the child shows interest. But do not overload the kid with information if he or she is ready to stop and go play with his toys," advises Abdel-Fattah. As experienced mothers know, the "why?" syndrome is merely a phase in the development of their children. The golden rules on surviving this phase seems to be to stay calm and tell yourself how proud you are of your kid's curiosity, to encourage your child's interest no matter the questions and try not to snap, "where did you get that idea?" According to Fatma El-Qellini, professor of sociology at Ain Shams University, "you want to be an 'askable' parent. Your kid should feel that you enjoy any kind of conversation." She went on to explain that, "your child is constantly forming pictures in his mind of what reality is. Of course, they are not always accurate and so you want to be there to give your child the truth and assuage any worries they might have. Always praise your child for asking. Say things like, 'what a good question!' and 'ask me again any time you want to.' And if you do not know the answer, be honest. Suggest that, while you are not sure of the answer, you both can look it up," says El-Qellini. Specialists warn that if there is anything worse than being embarrassed by the child's questions, it is to make fun of them. This can either signal to your child that they should not ask, or children may think that your amusement is a sign that they are being cute by asking such questions. "If you make your child think he or she is always cute, the child will learn to be an obnoxious show-off. After a while, it won't be so cute," El-Qellini warned. Of course, you never know when your child's questions will pop up. When the inevitable happens, however, Abdel-Fattah suggests that you be calm no matter how embarrassed you may be. "The important thing is for a parent to explain difficult topics without seeming anxious," she said.
