The problem with the Internet is that writers misspell words that they should have been taught in first year at school. If today's trendy parents who might send toddlers to piano lessons had their way, their offspring should know the alphabet by the fifth week inside the womb. Perhaps this writer is being unfair, because when literacy was limited to the ecclesiastical classes before the advent of the printing press, when books were produced by hand – with intricate artwork highlighting the dropped capitals – English was spelled according to whim (because I say so), aesthetic preference (because it looks nice), and the needs of filling up a line (because justifying text means doubling a consonant and adding a silent ‘e', so there). However, English spelling was more or less fixed by the mid-19th century due to the spread of literacy and the unleashing of indignation at variant spellings. Maybe your author is being uncharitable to lesser mortals who have scant need to distinguish between ‘they're', ‘there' and ‘there'. This trio shares the same pronunciation, so why bother making the distinctions that reek of moribund petit-bourgeois dogma? Children still learning English can be excused. Older students of the language need to be scowled at occasionally for these shortcomings. But those who insist of airing their views riddled with misspellings on the Internet should be hunted down and made to write out a million times: “I must not put an apostrophe in a non-possessive plural form". This would be impossible, because 99.9 per cent transgressors of written rules are anonymous and, even if they could be hunted down to do lines, they would merely cut and paste their chore and still be none the wiser thereafter. What, pray, is the mystique of the semi-colon? One feels this punctuation mark (deemed superfluous by George Orwell of ‘Nineteen Eighty-four' fame) is used ‘because it looks fancy'. And why the comma instead of a full-stop in the following which I came across in one of these question-and-answer sites? “Their (sic) is an “unofficial" holiday in Egypt called Love Day which is November 4. The one who called for it was famous Egyptian journalist and writer Moustafa Amin, he came up with the idea of the day in 1970s after seeing a funeral with barely no one attending it, no one is walking behind the dead man as the custom as if no one cared for this man not even loved him. Amin wondered about the love between the people; that simple love between them and where that love had gone; the pure emotions of respect and care; from there came the idea of the love day." I suppose one should not allow oneself to be annoyed. Rather, one should hail the digital age that provides a platform for all to express opinions and impart information from whatever dubious source or hearsay. Anyway, I have digressed already and the matter from which I have digressed has not been put down yet. It all started when I saw red balloons in Hegaz Square, Heliopolis, last Monday afternoon. Then it dawned on me that Valentine's Day was not far away. Not another mug with hearts on it and the legend “I love you" in various sizes and fonts. Not another red teddy bear to go with the other pink, red and white fluffy toys that grace various items of furniture. In fact, the ones that were acquired a few years ago could do with a wash and fumigation. Although the celebration of love and lovers is an import, Egyptians have been celebrating November 4 as Valentine's Day since the 1950s, according to al-Arabiyya website. Egyptian media reports assert that the Egyptian Valentine's date was set by two brothers, Moustafa and Ali Amin, the founders of the publishing house Akhbar al-Youm. Ali Amin asked readers in poll in his daily newspaper column for the best date to celebrate Valentine's Day. Why November 4 is still unclear. To be sure, one's salary is spoken for by October 31, so presents would have to be cheap and cheerful affairs – cheap for him, cheerful for her. “What am I going to do with half a dozen helium-filled red balloons?" she asks. “Werl, I could get you another dozen and you could float to the city of love, Verona, Italy," he simpers. Gazing to the red balloon salesman down across the street, she sniffs and folds her arms, determined to resist any further conciliatory gesture. “Guess what. I could inhale some of that helium and make my voice go up a couple of octaves. What laughs, eh!" he ventures. She visualises a means to render her husband's voice high-pitched without resorting to an inert gas. She grins. An evil twinkle is in her eye. However, a sociology professor at Cairo University has been quoted as saying “the holiday that has been celebrated in the country for decades is still being viewed as a taboo." “Some people misunderstand this holiday and believe it promotes forbidden relations between young men and women, forgetting that the expression of love is not limited to single men and women," the professor said. Indeed, what about couples celebrating wedding anniversaries of many years who still send each other Valentines cards? Purchasers of chocs and teddies are not all starry-eyed, blushing and sighing over the raptures of first love. Happy Valentine's Day and find room in your tum for the sweets and space on the bedspread for the ted...again.
