“We want a simple, undemanding wedding. We don't need a very expensive shabka [the gold jewellery the groom traditionally gives to the bride as a gift in Egyptian culture]. “We don't even need to have a wedding party; instead, we want to use the money that would have been used for the party for the basic things the couple need for their new home." These words are written on a Facebook page called ‘I only have two wedding rings... Will you marry me?', created by Karim Moustafa, in order to convince young women and their families to reduce the demands they make of the men they want to marry. In the Egyptian tradition, when the man decides to propose to a girl, he and his family should sit with her father to agree on the wedding party details and the couple's new home. In Egypt, before the marriage, the suitor and his intended's father must clinch a deal, which differs from family to family, according to their social class, and whether they are urban or rural folk. According to the Egyptian tradition, the man should provide the flat, after which they must decide who will buy the furniture, the things for the kitchen, electric appliances, curtains and other furnishings. Someone also has to pay for the wedding dress and the bride's trip to the coiffeur on her wedding day. Some families make the groom pay for the dress and the hairdo prior to the wedding party. When the suitor of Sara Ahmed, 25, agreed to her family's demands, the couple got engaged and held the engagement party, which, in most cases, is paid for by the bride. Sara's family then drew up El-Qaama (The List). This list, the bride's family's responsibility, includes all the things bought by the bride for the couple's new home, including all her jewellery. Sometimes her suitor might think it extravagant, refusing to sign it, which means that the wedding gets called off. This is what happened in Sara's case. The purpose of the Qaama is to guarantee the bride's rights in case of divorce. The groom must also sign The List, so that, if they get divorced, he is compelled to return everything included in it. One of the important things in the marriage agreement is the shabka, which not only consists of the wedding rings, but also the jewellery bought by the groom for the bride. There may be a price specified by the bride and her family. Again this may cause the marriage plans to go pearshaped, as many young men cannot afford an expensive shabka. When Moustafa heard about the problems his friend was facing when trying to tie the knot, with girls' parents often being very financially demanding, he went into action. He founded the Facebook page, in order to convince young men and women and their families to change their traditional idea about marriage expenses, concentrating more on the character of the groom than all the glitzy things. "The shabka isn't the biggest problem, but the fact that so many men and women are left on the shelf. For young people to get married, the marriage expenses must be reduced across the board," the page says. Due to the sharp rise in gold prices and the heavy financial demands of the families of the brides, Moustafa decided to adopt the idea of cancelling the shabka or making its value symbolic for those young men unable to afford it. “How can a young man fresh out of college afford the very expensive demands being made by his intended's family, while trying to launch his own career?" Moustafa asks. “We need the families to have a change of heart, making it much easier for boys and girls to get married." Moustafa says that the minimum demands for marriage should be the groom owning or being able to rent a flat, having a regular salary and being in a position to furnish the property. According to the Egyptian tradition, the price of the shabka should be determined according to the man's economic situation. But the families of many brides ignore this point and insist on an expensive shabka for their daughters and a very costly wedding party too, just to show their neighbours and friends that the bridegroom really appreciates their daughter. “But many girls are willing to make sacrifices, settling for an inexpensive shabka and wedding party, just as long as they marry a decent man who really deserves them," Moustafa continues. “Families should be aware that, by insisting on their exaggerated demands, more and more females will be left on the shelf," he explains. Spinsterhood is a real problem in a country where people usually look askance at unmarried women. There are many reasons for this problem, such as male unemployment, the high cost of housing and food, increasing poverty and salaries that are getting smaller. According to a recent study issued by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research, 29.7 per cent of adult males and 28.4 per cent of adult females are unmarried. The Facebook page ‘I only have two wedding rings... Will you marry me? has attracted more than 116,000 fans in only one year, with 70 per cent of them girls, ranging between 20 and 30 in age. Moustafa is always putting people's problems on the wall of the Facebook page, for discussion with the fans, in the hope of reaching the ideal solution. Sometimes he has been able to solve problems himself, by calling a girl or her family to convince them to reduce the marriage expenses and look at the suitor's personality before looking at his wallet. Moustafa recalls one young man writing a complaint on the wall of the page, saying that he couldn't marry the girl he loved because her parents insisted he spent LE200,000 on a shabaka for her! Only the rich can afford such largesse. "I called the girl and her family and asked them to take into account the financial circumstances of the groom and reduce the price of the shabaka. They agreed and the couple got married a few weeks later. I was one of the guests at the wedding party," he adds. Moustafa has so far managed to solve around 270 problems on his Facebook page. On another occasion, one of Moustafa's friends was forced to deceive his fiançée's family. The couple agreed to rent the shabaka from a jewellery shop for just two days only, in order to satisfy her family, who wanted their daughter's suitor to splash out LE20,000 on the shabaka. The couple returned it to the jeweller's after the engagement party. “He had to deceive his bride's family, just because of something trivial and showy of no benefit at all to anyone," Moustafa explains. “My friend is a decent, respectable man who loves his wife. But he was forced to lie to her parents in order to marry her." ($1 = LE6.56 )
