"I like pigs, Winston Churchill is supposed to have said on what must have been a rainy day. "Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Well, I don't know about pigs, but he certainly had cats and dogs figured out. Which doesn't reflect very well on the dog lovers among us, does it? I mean, how pathetic are you if you need the adoring gaze of an animal to boost your ego? But that's not why we love dogs, really. We love them because they're loyal, goofy, endearing, and brave and because they're the only creatures other than humans to have a prostate (yep). Their sense of smell is about a thousand times stronger than ours, and you don't even want to know how much better their hearing is. But you will be relieved to know that their eyesight is poor compared to ours. On average, they don't live as long as cats, which have been known to reach the age of 25 or even 30. The rule of thumb in this respect is: The larger the breed, the shorter the life expectancy. That of the majestic Great Dane, for instance, is only 8 years. And since we're on the subject of breeds, do you know which are the three smartest? The Border Collie, the Poodle and the German Shepherd. And although political correctness might prevent the American Kennel Club from making any pronouncements on the subject, I personally have no problem telling you that the dumbest breeds are the Beagle (yes, Snoopy is an idiot), the Afghan Hound (K9 bimbo) and the Pekinese (no surprise there). The AKC might dodge the thorny issue of canine intelligence, but it has very specific guidelines regarding the appearance and demeanor of pedigreed dogs. However, as we did last week with cats, it's simpler and more fun to imagine how some popular breeds would answer this simple question: How many dogs does it take to screw a lightbulb?Border Collie: "Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code, too. Dachshund: "You know I can't reach that high! Rottweiler: "Make me! Labrador: "Oh, me, me! Let me change the light bulb! Can I, huh? Huh? Can I? Greyhound: "It isn t moving. Who cares? Pointer: "I see the lightbulb. There it is, right there! Bloodhound: "Zzzzzzzz. So, should you get a pedigreed dog or a mutt? The altruistic thing to do would be to adopt a dog from a shelter in Cairo. You would go to SPARE (sparealife.org) or Animal Haven (animalhaven-egypt.com). You should note that pedigreed dogs tend to be more sensitive to a variety of ailments due to inbreeding, and it's a good idea to consult the AKC and dogbiz regarding breed standards before choosing your pet. There is a lot of overlap between the two sites, and dogbiz is poorly designed and hard to navigate, but it will repay your patience with solid information, especially about the health issues of the various breeds. To get back to Winston Churchill, the difference between cats and dogs has long been a source of humor, usually at the expense of dogs. Take the following piece of speculative fiction. A dog thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . They must be gods! A cat thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . I must be a god! Tee-hee. Well, if cats are so special, how come no one makes any movies about them? Sure, there's the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, but that's about it. (Do you really want to mention the Mike Myers version of Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat?) Dog movies, on the other hand, are plentiful. It all started out with Rin Tin Tin and a predecessor named Strongheart, both German Shepherds and the only dogs (along with Lassie) to be awarded their own star on the Hollywood Walk of fame. Strongheart lived from 1917 to 1929 and while he was a celebrity in his day, most of his pictures have been lost. The original Rin Tin Tin, who was born in 1918, made 26 movies for Warner Brothers between 1922 and his death a decade later. The Rinty titles are too numerous to mention, but here's a website that contains the canonical list and much more: (http://www.rintintin.com/). As for the Lassie saga, it started in 1943 with the three-handkerchief Lassie Come Home. The TV show began in 1954 and is still alive and well in syndication. The most recent episodes are from 1989 and 1990. Here are more K9 klassics, in alphabetical order: 101 Dalmatians (1961 and 1996), Air Bud (1997), Baxter (1991), Beethoven (1992), Benji (1974), Cujo (1983), The Doberman Gang (1972), The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939, 1959, etc), The Lady and the Tramp (1955), Old Yeller (1957), Scooby Doo (2002), White Fang (1972 and 1991). I could go on, but I'm out of space. Mohamed Ragheb is a freelancer writer and filmmaker. You can contact him at [email protected].
