This past week I had three jobs on my agenda. Stealing Tutankhamun's death mask from the Egyptian Museum, buying a Secret Santa gift for a colleague and fish. There is a fire escape that runs down the back wall of the Egyptian Museum on Midan Tahrir and I often wondered if a daring thief could find his way inside this 102-year-old building that took five years to construct, Pink Panther style, and make off with the golden image of the boy king? According to the Museum's Director Sayed Hassan, the answer is no. "The death mask is watched over by two cameras, there are both museum guards and police. The glass case is 10 millimeters thick and to remove it you would need three keys to activate the hydraulic lift to lower the mask, Sayed said. The Tutankhamun room is secured by iron bars on the windows, heavy glass doors and iron gates which are padlocked. But security in museums and art galleries has been compromised in the past. Sayed said: "Thieves did get into the museum 11 years ago and took some small pieces from the first floor. And a man did stay overnight in the museum, but he was arrested the next morning. Now, when the museum closes at 6:30pm, police and the security guards check all the best hiding spots. Then they unleash six dogs that are trained to search for any person who is reluctant to leave. Sayed smiled at this image, as if he was delivering a warning that you would not want to be flushed out by these hounds. When I was speaking with Sayed, who sat behind a desk cluttered with papers, wearing a dusty cream jacket, I couldn't help but think that he suspected that I was casing the joint and my cover as the roving [**ITALICS**] khawaga [**ITALICS**] reporter all sounded just a little too fishy, so I thanked him for his time and wished him all the best with the opening of the new Museum which is to be built on Remaya Square, [**ITALICS**] inshalla [**ITALICS**] within five years. I made my getaway and decided to hide out at the Nile Hilton where I visited another Cairo icon, the Swellam Men s Shop to buy a Secret Santa gift. Secret Santa is a wonderful Christmas institution often carried out in the work place, where each staff member picks the name of a colleague from the "hat and you then buy a small gift which is handed out anonymously by Santa. With the greatest respect to the late Nobel Laureate, I always suspect to see Naguib Mahfouz in the Swellam. It caters to the sophisticated gentlemen from another era. With its cravats and silk bathrobes, cuff links and haute couture vests. And it is the only place I know where you can buy top quality woven Egyptian cotton shirts. So my Secret Santa should be happy. No pre-Christmas shopping spree would be complete without food and in Cairo the month of December doesn't mean turkey or ham, but fish for dinner. At the Gomhoraya Fish Shop on 26th July Street, near the corner of El Kamel Mohamed Street, Mr Hamarda sells over 350 kilograms of fish a week. "December is the best month for fish. Because of Christmas fish is the people's favourite meal, Mr Hamarda said. The Gomhoraya - meaning republic - is a Zamalek institution. It has been selling and cooking fish for 60 years and was originally called The Fish King. But in the revolutionary spirit of Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser the reference to the monarchy was dropped. Mr Hamarda didn't say if the Colonel liked fish. Like many of the food shops in Zamalek or other Cairo districts the service is peerless. Mr Hamarda and his crew will gut, clean and fillet your Sea Bass or Red Sea Grouper. They will shuck and de-vain your shrimp, deliver it to your door and even turn it into a Spanish paella if you so desire. The weather began to turn over the weekend as the sun now rises in the south-east and the cold air from the north was blowing in fuelling the flu which is taking its toll on the population. And my advice is as soon as a raspy throat appears, hit it hard with drugs, have a hot bath and get into bed early with a good book and a hot water bottle. Because if the ol' Cairo flu takes hold you will feel as if the hounds from hell have escaped from the Egyptian Museum and are barking at your door.
