SINGAPORE: A group of Singapore women are pushing for change, on a more grassroots level in the county. They meet weekly at one of the four women's houses to talk openly about their struggle to be part of society after facing injustice and sexual violence in their home life. “We are all divorced women in our early 30s who have struggled through violence and horrors that we want to support each other as best we can,” said Mary, a 31-year-old who divorced her husband after he would beat her and force her to have sex with him for two years. “It was the worst kind of domestic violence, both physical and emotional,” she continued to Bikyamasr.com on Saturday evening as she and three other women gathered in what has become their social outlet from the daily grind. “We started these meetings about a year ago after I found out that other women had gone through similar experiences,” she added. “Too often, women in marriages are not seen as victims and we sometimes are portrayed as the villains if we refuse to have sex all the time. But we are battered and needed something, so we came together.” They meet once a week, usually talking amongst themselves for about an hour, detailing the horrors of their past marriages and how it has affected them in their daily lives presently. For Lilian, 33, the struggle to find herself has been a long and difficult process of healing. She told Bikyamasr.com that her ex-husband would force her to watch pornographic films on a daily basis and then perform similar tasks in the bedroom. “When I refused, he would tie me up and rape me and do things that I couldn't imagine,” she began. “He was very loving early in our relationship, but then things changed when he lost his job at a top company and he became very violent and overpowering.” She was able to find the courage to divorce him after meeting this group, who gave her the strength to understand she was not alone. They are all open about their past relationships and how it has hurt their current living situations. Although all four of the women don't have children, they hope to one day, but they admit they are weary of men and relationships. “We have all faced this pain and anguish of our marriages that it is hard for us to fall in love again. I have a boyfriend, but we don't see each other that often because the fear is still there,” admitted Mary. And they believe that more support needs to be given to married women in the country, where the men have too much power in the legal system. “We all have divorced, but we lost a lot, including our homes because we didn't want to fight in court. The government here should do more to show their support for women like us to have to deal with this pain and fear for years afterwards,” added Lilian. They say that a change in the city's mindset towards relationships is needed. They pointed to recent studies that show men are the highest percentage wise in the region to cheat on their partners, yet they argue women are too often branded the “evil” ones. “We women deserve a better shake in this city because in the long run we are important for Singapore's future. We love our city and don't want to go anywhere else, but when we have to come to each others homes because there is nowhere for us to go, it shows how women are treated here,” added Lilian.
