Restaurant review: Quixotic quest The two texts are verbally identical, but the second is infinitely richer Where are the Turks when you really need them? They gave us great tagins, colourful fezzes, and more importantly, the perfect alibi. They took history out of our hands for four long centuries. They were expansionist and colonialist. And we were underfed, overworked, overtaxed, with nothing to win and everyone to blame. Now, they are waving red flags, with still east-facing crescents on them, across the Dardanelles and talking trans- continental. The Europeans, sipping incredulously at the espressos, are unsure. Can we really trust people who cannot percolate their coffee? One man who butted heads with the Turks is Miguel de Cervantes. In 1571, he took part in the naval battle of Lepanto, where he lost use of his left hand and was subsequently nicknamed el manco de Lepato (the one-armed man of Lepato). Despite the injury, the indomitable author of Don Quixote went on fighting all the way to the Levant. In 1575, he was sailing back to Spain with his brother, Rodrigo, when pirates attacked their ship. The brothers were taken to Algiers as slaves. Rodrigo was ransomed two years later, but Miguel was held for five years. The Moorish captors found on him letters to the Spanish king, which made him a catch. His family finally put together the required 500 gold ducats in ransom and Miguel was released. With his one good hand, he wrote Los Tratos de Argel (the trials of Algiers), his first play, about this particular experience. Don Quixote, the restaurant in Zamalek, has also broken free from its past. No longer a conservative restaurant-bar, it is now a conservative restaurant-lounge-bar. The designer has rearranged the furniture, brought in new tables and chairs, but kept the wood panelled walls, the green and yellow stained windows, and the understated colour pattern intact. Tame? Think again. Jorge Luis Borges once envisioned an author aspiring to write the definitive Don Quixote. Following years of tireless research, the hypothetical author, Pierre Menard, reproduces the entire Don Quixote, just as Miguel wrote it, word for word. The critics applaud, for Menard has captured new meanings, imbued the same old words with fresh insight. The work, one critic says, "subtly anticipated critical literary theory that would emerge a quarter of a century later." The changes in the Zamalek establishment are nothing that dazzling, but still. The bar has moved to the left, a retroactive comment, perhaps, on the socialist upheaval of 40 years ago. Two art nouveau couches bring up the right to the centre, just as the 1970s did to our political scene. Had he lived, Miguel would have probably headed to the now bar-less front, settled under the drawing of an ancient queen fondling a winged serpent, and come up with something along these lines, "the truth lies in man's dreams ... in this unhappy world of ours, where madness is better than a foolish sanity." We are sitting in easy chairs with oval straight backs, at a table near the bar, left-of-centre -- no political statement intended. My companions are two damsels in distress and questionable outfits. One is wearing her gym clothes, which the well- dressed waiters gallantly ignore, granting her wish for a high- fibre arugula (gargir) salad with mushrooms and walnuts. The other, upset over the late delivery of her new curtains, orders an asparagus and parmesan salad. The asparaguses are usually lithe creatures, but on this occasion they are tough and discomforting, like tomorrow's news. My salad is having a good time -- two artichoke hearts topped with four shrimps, light and cheerful. The sole fish is soulful, dreamy and non-spicy, and comes with a strong vegetable backup. The veal cutlets are supple and ready to swing to the tunes of the Spanish oldies being played. We share a soufflé for dessert. The waiter scoops its top with one swift blow and fills it with a generous splash of hot fudge. We fly at it with raised spoons and its fate is sealed. Don Quixote, 9A Ahmed Heshmat, Zamalek, (02) 7356415, open 1pm to 2am, offers quixotic elegance, Italian and French menu, and Spanish music. Alcohol Available. Dinner per person, LE140. By Nabil Shawkat
