Dreams come in a myriad of kaleidoscopic hues. But not all aspirations are psychedelic. Life-style consultant Sandra Shama Kaur is canny about not delivering doctrinaire answers to the familiar conundrum of New Year's resolutions. She asks questions with impartial rigour, making her recommendations both compelling and thought-provoking. What are her own personal resolutions for this new year? “I started my personal resolutions a little earlier this year. My promise to myself is to complete a 1,000-day daily meditation that lasts 62 minutes. I started in September 2016 and I hope to continue until mid-2020,” Kaur said. “In order to best fulfil the New Year's resolutions, you need to undergo the following phases: identify your current habits and analyse their importance in your daily routine. Have the will and openness to change and adopt new habits and alternatives,” she added. “What is important is to bring consciousness into habits. Everyone needs to be aware of their own reasons about why they have a particular habit and understand why it is helpful to the current stage of life. For example, I used to have the habit of eating crackers or dark chocolate at the end of a long day. It became automatic and something I looked forward to,” Kaur mused. “But reviewing my habit, I realised that in my loneliness I was looking forward to a companion and my companion was these things. So I gave myself permission to have them in my life. That was until I realised that chocolate was making me alert in the evenings and disrupting my sleep patterns and the crackers were contributing to bloating, weight gain and heaviness,” she said. Such concepts are the keystones of Kaur's philosophy. They demystify doubts and clarify riddles of the unknown. “By understanding the reasons behind my habit, I was able to conquer it. I quit the crackers and chocolate in January 2015, and I feel great. I replaced them with an evening meditation, a hot bath and some lavender and chamomile tea.” “It is absolutely imperative to replace an old habit with a new habit if you are to succeed,” Kaur said. Why are the New Year's resolutions a good idea? “The new year is a reminder that one year has passed. It is an opportunity, or rather an excuse, to stop and reflect and take corrective steps and set new aspirations. In the end it all comes down to either changing habits or adopting new habits or both,” she said. “Habits can make or break us. They are hard to change, and we can spend our entire lives programmed by our habits,” she added. “The new year is a good opportunity to review ourselves in relation to our habits and ask the following questions: which of my habits are promoting? Which ones are helpful and useful? Which need demoting? Which are harmful and unhelpful?” For Kaur, veracity is paramount. “Some habits are ingrained so deeply within ourselves that we act on them subconsciously. Think about your morning routine, such as brushing your teeth, switching on the kettle, and grabbing the newspaper,” Kaur noted, for example. She focuses on the far-reaching. “Another example of subconscious habits is those that we do in response to stress or a challenging situation. The most common example is going for a smoke, having a drink, or eating chocolate to blow off steam,” she added. “Whichever one it is, the new year is an opportunity to review ourselves and our habits and to decide which habits are worth promoting and which need demoting.” She is a believer in positive-thinking, but not naively so. “Promoting habits are helpful. They improve our development and calibre for excellence. For example, the habit of meditating to clear the mind is what I call a ‘promoting' habit,” she mused. “Exercise to purify the body and going for a walk in nature to connect with your inner self — these are also promoting habits,” Kaur said. Friction can be a chief ingredient of crises and the substratum and principle component of discord. According to Kaur, the mundane can have major consequences. “Demoting habits, by contrast, are not helpful because on some level they are causing harm. For example, finishing all the biscuits in the biscuit tin and then regretting it the next day. Or sometimes you catch yourself yelling at your co-workers or employees when something doesn't work out the way you expect — these are both what I call ‘demoting' habits',” Kaur stressed. Why does one stick to the New Year's resolutions if one doesn't know how life will unfold? “A new year is a new phase in life and a window for change and improvement. People's reaction to the new year is based on past accomplishments. Some are enthusiastic, while others may see it as a continuation of unsuccessful outcomes. New Year's resolutions can bring hope and the opportunity for new beginnings,” Kaur said. The idea that one can get away with sheer verve and gumption is often misleading. However, nerve is needed, and business acumen puts a firmer footing under motivation and the yearning for success. “From a lifestyle and spiritual perspective, a New Year resolution is about understanding habits and seeing how you can change them to live a happier and healthier life. So if you want to make a better you, you have a chance to make a promise to yourself and hopefully keep it,” she elaborated. Playing the gender card can be something of a miscalculation. Kaur acknowledges gender differences may sometimes shed light on the still tremendous gender gap in many aspects of life, and in particular in the workplace. Do men and women have different priorities concerning New Year's resolutions? “Men and women are different. Women are like the moon — changing, reflective and nurturing. Men are like the sun in that they are more direct, penetrating, challenging and focused. This explains our differences in behaviour, decision-making, emotional states, creativity and communication. Women usually seek emotional rewards; they are more compassionate towards their family members and seek their well-being. They are concerned with finding their soul mates, and those who work also seek to succeed and prove themselves at work.” “Men tend to be more practical. They are clear and direct about their priorities. They seek to achieve financial stability and secure their families' future through a better income, better jobs or investments. They are also concerned to achieve career advancements and success,” Kaur said. New Year's resolutions can be a question of mindsets. We solve our problems by shifting terms in our favour. So what are Kaur's key tips for successful New Year's resolutions? “Genuine happiness arises from serving and helping others. Indulge yourself more in service activities and volunteer work,” she advised. “Engage yourself in new hobbies and sports to relieve stress. Consider following a healthier diet for better emotional control and self-confidence. Repair broken family relationships. Take control of your career decisions and pursue your dreams,” she concluded.
