I guess it's time once again to write about a personal unfortunate experience… I recently went to that small shop, which the lady owner prefers to call a "supermarket", and bought a couple of items. In addition to being in a rush, I was also on the phone and after leaving I realised that I paid LE24 for two chocolate bars. Frankly, I am not the best person on earth when it comes to keeping track of prices, but still I thought that this was too much for an Egyptian-made chocolate. After meeting the people I was on my way to meet and before going back home I decided to pass by a proper supermarket and see how much this very same chocolate is priced. I was told LE6.50, so it was confirmed ��" I was ripped off! On the following day I went back to the lady, whom I've known for a few years and told her that she is probably being used by factory and company representatives, who bring her the good she sells. Of course, I was only trying to be polite and didn't tell her that she is taking advantage of her customers, but I also wanted to send her a clear message saying I am not happy. She answered "but this chocolate is not available in Egypt. It was from Dubai!" Knowing that this particular item is sold everywhere, including some street kiosks, I named another close by supermarket that sells it and walked out, knowing that I will never deal with that woman anymore. I don't care where she got it from, so saying "it was from Dubai" made no difference. Dubai? Does that mean it's petrol chocolate? That could have been the only proper reason for selling this bar at almost double its original price! I guess from now on I will never listen to songs by Hot Chocolate again. Well, I might go back on my word because this British band, fronted by singer Errol Brown, gave us many beautiful songs like "So You Win Again", which is something I will never say to that shop owner! Hot Chocolate was also responsible for numerous hits like "Everyone's a Winner" and "It Started With A Kiss". So there will be no more chocolate for me for a while. Now it's summer and I can eat loads of ice cream instead. Chocolate ice cream was always my last choice. I've always preferred vanilla and other flavours. Vanilla? Did someone say Vanilla Ice? Of course not. Please don't make me hate vanilla. The Vanilla Ice man was a mediocre rapper, who had a number one hit with "Ice Ice Baby". It wasn't much of a song in the first place. He ripped-off Queen and David Bowie's epic "Under Pressure" ��" mainly the bass line ��" and built a song on it. By the way, the man's real name is Robert Van Winkle, but it was trendy to choose such a stage name at the time… maybe to compete with his main rival back then, fellow American rapper MC Hammer, whose real name is Stanley Kirk Burrell. It seems that due to extensive "ice breaking" with a deadly "hammer" they both disappeared. Good! Maybe this is the "hammer" Queen referred to in the song "Hammer to Fall". Let's go back to the UK. Another British band with a sweet name is… Sweet, which was the rock band that first recorded "Action", that was later a hit for fellow British rockers Def Leppard. As much as I like Sweet, I prefer this particular cover. Anyway, Before Sweet was formed, some of its original members were in another band with Ian Gillan, who later became the lead singer of Deep Purple. The latter of course is considered one of the three bands that invented heavy metal. The two others are Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. How did they come up with these names? Too much sugar is not good for anyone, still at a certain point there were three bands with the name "Sweet" ��" Steve Priest's Sweet, Andy Scott's Sweet and Brian Connolly's New Sweet. Needless to say, Steve, Andy and Brian were all members of the original Sweet. This is too complicated and it's all because of THAT WOMAN WHO RIPPED ME OFF! Enough of Sweet and let's talk about "Sweets for My Sweet". Most people don't know that it was first recorded by the Drifters before the Searchers had a hit with it. The first is an American group and the second is a British one, but regardless of origins, I will never buy any sweets from that woman again! Speaking of the female gender, I really wonder if the American quintet New Edition knew about their "Candy Girl" before recording that song for her. I mean she is a female and she is specialised in candy. So what does that make her? How much did she sell a candy bar for? Maybe that's why the band split and gave us Bobby Brown, Johnny Gill, Ralph Tresvant, and of course the trio Bell Biv DeVoe. How come I mentioned six when they were only a quintet? It's because Bobby left to become a solo artist and later also married Whitney Houston, so he was replaced by Johnny… for leaving and not for getting married. I don't want to sound like a chauvinist so I will not only be against girls ��" candy is candy, no matter who sells it. So when Christina Aguilera recorded "Candy Man" she fueled the anger I have for men who sell candy, because they might be selling LE12 chocolate bars! I hate them too! Forget about men and women. Let's talk about children. I can remember the song "Sweet Child O' Mine", which was the debut hit for American rockers Guns n' Roses. So now children are to blame too… unless the band ate the child and thought she was "sweet". With singer Axl Rose's notorious reputation, I wouldn't be surprised. I also remembered "Sweet Harmony" by British group the Beloved. However, in my case there was no "harmony" in what happened ��" there was only "harm". Taking advantage of my generosity in that famous sweets incident would only be called "The Sweetest Taboo", as British jazz diva said. I couldn't have said it better myself. I think I'll give up on sweets altogether and stick to something bitter, like "Bitter Sweet Symphony". Oh, here I go again ��" this song has the word "sweet" in its title. Why did the British band the Verve record it? Just to give me a hard time, I assume, or presume, or platoon, or raccoon, or blue moon.. Enough of that silly rhyme game! Enough of that silly article! Send me toothpaste to: [email protected]
