This is Scene One in a very interesting play and, judging by the audience's reaction, it will also be the final scene in the first and last play I have ever written and will ever write. It is a dark, cold, windy, rainy, dusty night and the sun is shining. A happy family of readers are sitting in the living room – the parents are tanning themselves on the beach as they watch the stars. The children are rolling round in the snow while doing their maths homework. I better make that ‘physics homework', because rolling involves gravity and my play has to make a lot of sense. Knock knock. “Who's there?" shouts the little girl from inside the tree. Enter Amr: “You mean who's here. I AM BACK". The mother rushes out of the kitchen holding a freshly baked cake, with shock and horror on her face. Amr: “Don't worry dear. Your cake is not that bad. I know your cooking sucks, but the nearest bakery is far away. So we will have to eat that ‘thing' you've made." The boy: “Excuse me sir but I must go and kill myself now." Amr: “OK buddy. Good luck to you. Don't forget to brush your teeth." The father: “But, but, but we thought we had seen the last of you." Amr: “True. But you have to know one thing... I am not me. I am my twin brother". Amr takes off his mask and reveals his true identity – himself! After a storm of applause and many curtain calls, Amr goes home and walks through the jungles of the desert, accompanied by many singing fishes. In case you are wondering about the moral of the story, I will sum it up in a question: Did you think you'd seen the last of me? Well, think again. Yes, Amr strikes back with vengeance, vinegar, a little lemon and... enjoy your meal! No way I'd stay away, now I'm back and I'm here to stay, just at least till payday! Now that we are done with rap and rhymes, let's get serious and talk about... nonsense. We can do better than this and mix nonsense with music. In other words, welcome to ‘Upbeat'. Back to where we started and this is your host sponsored by Super Glue... the best words to describe the way I feel are, “I'm so happy to be stuck with you." That of course was a bar from Huey Lewis and the News' hit ‘Stuck with You'. I wonder what happened to those guys. They were hugely successful in the 1980s and Huey was one of the artists chosen by legendary producer Quincy Jones to perform a solo part on USA for Africa's ‘We Are the World'. I can't resist the temptation of telling you about an incident related to this monster hit. It was recorded in January 1985, of course to relieve famine in Africa and, although zillions of artists took part in singing the chorus, some were selected to sing a bar or two on their own. Prince was asked to participate and he was going to get a part answering his rival Michael Jackson, but... he didn't go to the studio and that part was given to Huey Lewis. Rumour has it that, during the time for recording, Prince was sitting in a bar close to the studio. However, in his own special way, he helped by including the Prince & the Revolution number ‘4 the Tears in Your Eyes' on the album and of course all proceeds went to famine victims. Anyway, Huey Lewis & the News also donated a track called ‘Trouble in Paradise' to the album. ‘We are the World' was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie. The latter had a hit in the previous year with ‘Stuck on You'. It seems that Americans excel in producing adhesive materials and ‘sticky' songs. Anyway, Lionel didn't stick to his old band the Commodores and pursued a very successful solo career for a few years. Some things just fade away and some people simply leave but to always stay on the safe side ‘Don't Dream It's Over', as Crowded House recommended. If the ‘house' was that crowded, then they must have had a housing problem. Incidentally, Crowded House is the first non-American act to be mentioned in this article and they come from Australia and New Zealand, where grass is green and houses are... crowded. Isn't Australia the country Celine Dion comes from? No, Celine is Canadian. Are you kidding me? Why do you always try to confuse me? They don't even speak Spanish in Bangladesh! Before moving on to the next song, I want to share a very valuable piece of info with you. Years ago ‘Upbeat' was published on the TV page and the final part of the second verse on ‘Don't Dream It's Over' goes, “in the paper today tales of war and of waste but you turn right over to the TV page... TO READ ‘UPBEAT', WHICH YOU HAVEN'T BEEN READING FOR A WHILE AND ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT". Brilliant lyrics, especially the part in capital letters! Seriously, mentioning the TV page made me hum this song a lot when I started writing. I know you want this article to end soon but Lenny Kravitz knows me better than this. He said, ‘It Ain't 'Til It's Over'. If you think that I have made a typing mistake you are wrong again – this is the way the title is written. Anyway I am not the kind of man who cares about titles, so you can call me by my name – Prince Amr. Do you know what a Stealers Wheel is? Is it that thing in a car that we ‘stealer' to turn right and left? No. Is it a bird? No. Is it a plane? No. Is it the twister? No. It is in fact the name of a Scottish band – the same one that gave us ‘Stuck in the Middle With You'. So now you see the point. My writing days will not be over till the flying fishes get bored. Send me your scripts to: [email protected]
