Dear Aunt Bahia, I'm a 27- year-old interior designer. A year ago, I met a man and we fell in love. We got engaged in August and everything's going fine between us, except for one fly in the ointment. The problem is that my husband-to-be wants me to stop working when we get married. It's not about the money, as my fiancé has a good salary, but I love my career. I would be very unhappy if I had to stop working, but at the same time I can't do without this man, as I really love him. What can I do? Please help me. A Confused Girl Dear Confused Girl, Don't be so sad and confused. Your problem is not the end of the world. Many other women have the same problem. I think in your kind of job you can work from home, so try to convince your fiancée to let you keep on working after you get married. He'll surely be happy if you can spend more time at home, only having to go to the office from time to time. In any case, try to talk this matter over calmly with your fiancée, stressing that your work won't affect your life together. You must tell him that your work won't interfere with your family life, especially when children come along. I think he'll be convinced as long as you really want each other. Tell him that you can only make him happy if you're happy too. If you tell him that your work plays a big role in your life, I'm sure he will understand. Write to me again if things haven't changed. I love my cousin Dear Aunt Bahia, I'm a 25-year-old engineer. I'm successful in my job and I have a lot of friends. But there is one problem. I want to marry my cousin, who is eight years younger than me and still at school. She doesn't yet know that I want to marry her and I'm afraid to broach the subject, because my father and his brother – her father – are not on the best of terms. Another reason for not telling her is that she'll be sitting her final-year senior school exams next summer and I don't want to distract her from her studies. However, if I don't propose, some other young man might snap her up. What do you think I should do? A Worried Engineer Dear Worried Engineer, I think that you should wait till your cousin has finished her exams and then you can gently tell her mother and father that you want to marry her. Who knows, maybe this engagement will heal the rift between your father and uncle. If you are meant for each other, nothing in this world will prevent this union from taking place. But you should choose the right moment to take this step and you must ensure that you are ready to get married, as you don't want to cause any additional problems between your two families. No pain, no gain Dear Aunt Bahia, My heart is bleeding. I'm a 20-year-old Faculty of Arts student. When I started at university, I met another student, who is from a different religion. It was love at first sight and you know that falling in love with someone from a different religion is prohibited in our society. I've tried to stay away from her, but my love is too strong. I've thought of eloping with her to some far-distant place, where we can hide from our families and get married. I can work and provide her with a good life. What do you think? An Eastern Lover Dear Eastern Lover, You're in love, but you must try to be rational. You must stop this relationship right now, my dear. If you really love this girl, just disappear from her life and this impossible relationship. She may shed a few tears, but she'll soon come to terms with losing you. Don't walk down a one-way road, even if it is strewn with love and good things. Believe me, both of you will lose out in the long run if you persist in this relationship. I know that you will say I don't know anything about how you both feel, but try to remember that nice feelings can soon turn into unpleasant ones. It will take some time for you both to get over this. But no pain, no gain, as they say. Please don't worry. You and the girl you love will soon recover and find new partners with whom you can build you future together.
