Ask any young man or woman why they haven't got married yet, and they'll probably tell you they're still searching for love. Young men and women both have certain criteria for their ideal partners, according to their upbringing and background. "There is no precise formula for love," says Madhet Abdel-Hadi, an expert in marriage and a family consultant. "A woman and man wanting to get married should ask themselves first why they want to do so. They'll then be on the right track." "It took me a long time to decide to propose to my 21-year-old fiancée," says Mohamed Shaker, 24, who works in human development. "You need to find someone mature enough to be responsible for a family and this really doesn't boil down to a certain age or level of education. "What also helped was that when I proposed to my fiancée, her dad was very welcoming and didn't make heavy financial demands; so it's all been a success." "Money isn't the only problem, as the gap between women and men is growing ever wider due to the changes in their lifestyles," added Abdel-Hadi during a lecture he gave on spinsterhood at Al-Sawy Cultural Centre. Anusa (spinsterhood) has become a big problem in Egypt and the rest of the Middle East. Nowadays, in this part of the world, men rarely marry before the age of 30, because of the big changes in Arab society and the difficulty men have choosing a wife, regardless of his financial circumstances. The problem of spinsterhood ought to be solved by trying to change wrong perceptions in the minds of young people hoping to get married. Anusa is also something very vexing for these young people's parents. Sometimes, parents try to convince their daughter that the first suitor who comes along is Mr Right, without bothering to find out anything about him first. "But the real Mr Right isn't the one in the chic suit who turns up with an expensive box of chocolates when he proposes," Abdel-Hadi said. "Parents should respect their children's feelings. When your daughter tells you there's no chemistry between her and her suitor, please respect her feelings." "Although I'm an engineer, I was persuaded to get engaged to a man less educated than me," says Shimaa, 27, who agreed to get engaged to the guy only to escape from the spectre of spinsterhood. Her decision was a disaster. "A lady is the queen and she shouldn't let anyone detract from her dignity," said Abdel-Hadi, stressing that, by compromising her dignity, she'll suffer. Anusa is no longer used just to describe women who haven't married by the age of 30, but also men, who are suffering just as much as the fairer sex from this problem. About 77.1 per cent of males in the age of 17-29 and 42.8 per cent of the same age in females are never being married, according to a survey on young people in Egypt, which conducted by the Population Council in collaboration with the Egyptian Cabinet, Information and Decision Support Centre. The preliminary report showed that the percentage of spinsterhood lessen in the male and female gender in the age of 25-29; it reaches 39.9 per cent in the males and 13.5 per cent in females. In the age of 18-24, 86.5 per cent of males are never been married, while 43.7 in the same age of females are never been married. "Men always try to maintain the cultural norms in Egypt, according to which they must be firm and the decision-maker, while women are thought of as being the sensitive and more romantic ones, who must be treated with tenderness," he added. "But these days, many young women have jobs and want more freedom; they're reluctant to lose some of this freedom when they get married." A woman who says that she doesn't need a man to help her in life will lose out. Any woman who really wants her man to feel happy should make him feel that she needs him. "More freedom and a very different lifestyle are making it much more difficult for both men and women to find suitable partners," stressed Abdel-Hadi during the lecture. These days, you often see a young woman going to the mechanic's to have her car fixed. "If women want to have cars, it's only right for them to have them fixed," men argue.
