I telephoned US President George Bush last week, but he was in a foul mood. "I don't want to speak to anyone now, he told me. "I just heard the bad news that Al Gore, who mercilessly contested the presidency against me in 2000, has received the Nobel Prize for Peace. "What's wrong with that? I said, to which he replied angrily, "Don't you remember how he and his supporters were so determined to snatch the presidency from me that they had every single vote in Florida recounted? "But you still won in the end, I said. "Yes, barely, but now I find myself incapable to doing anything about him winning that award, he said. "Why don't you ask your aides, I said, "they gave you the best advice on Iraq, didn't they, so they could have some thoughts on how to reverse the award results. "I've consulted them all, he said, "but they all agreed that the situation is different this time because the votes were counted in Oslo, not Florida. "Then forget it, I said. "You've won the presidency of the strongest country in the world twice, so there's no harm in his winning this award. "Are you kidding? he said. "No, I just thought that being in the White House the past seven years would have helped you forget those tough days. "I would have forgotten all about it if the bastard had stopped fighting me after I beat him. Remember that film he made on climate change? Clearly that film was against me. Ever since I refused to ratify the Kyoto agreement and he's decided that environment protection would become his personal cause, he said. "But the whole world is concerned about the environment now, I said, "and if Al Gore is showing interest in an issue that has preoccupied people now more than any other time, then he's right. "That's precisely the problem, he retorted, "he's always right and I'm wrong. He started talking about the ozone layer in 1992 when no one had even heard of the ozone layer. Then three years later the three scientists who uncovered the threat to the ozone layer won the Nobel Prize in chemistry. In 2002 he warned that entering Iraq would lead to chaos and would harm US interests more than Saddam Hussein ever did. Now everyone's repeating what he said, even the Republicans. "The truth is the truth, Mr. Bush, I said, "no one can change it. "Now you're on his side?! he said, "Weren't you Arabs against him during the 2000 presidential elections? Why did you change your position now? "Back in 2000, we didn't know you that well, so we wanted you to win. We feared Gore's Jewish connections, I said. "You Arabs are fools, he said, "and you have a rare talent of backing your enemies and ignoring your friends. No wonder you're on his side now. Do as you please, he won't help you. I know that he won't run in the next elections even after winning his Nobel. "You may be right for once, Mr. Bush, I said, "We're no good at choosing who we support. But I assure you that my opinion regarding Al Gore has nothing whatsoever to do with whether he is running in the presidential elections or not, besides. At this, the US president cut me off. He said, "Listen! I told you at the beginning of this call that I don't want to talk to anyone. I said the same thing to my wife Laura a short while ago so she left the room, angry and decided to take a trip to the Middle East to talk about breast cancer. But still you kept on talking for 10 whole minutes. So just hang up the phone and go to hell, you and the entire Arab world, and take Al Gore with you. "I am speaking to you from hell, that hell which the Arab world has been in ever since your troops invaded Iraq. As for Al Gore, he's actually heading to Oslo to attend a grand official ceremony to receive his Nobel Peace Prize. "Hang up the phone this very minute, Bush screamed at me, "and don't ever call this number again! Mohamed Salmawy is President of the Egyptian and Arab Writer's Union and editor-in-chief of Al-Ahram Hebdo. This article is syndicated in the Arabic press.
