LONDON: What did Stephen Fry actually mean? Stephen fry and his slightly awkward comments about what women enjoy might have been met with some outrage but hold on what did he actually mean? Could it just have been a simple perceptual empathy defending what women sometimes discuss with their girlfriends? No not the Hampstead Heath negotiations sometime just before sun rise, but possibly a lack of understanding involved before or during a sexual experience: a somewhat ailing elasticity. I say that with an inkling of wonder and acute sensitivity. I'm sure women enjoy sex, but to what extent … physically, holistically. Fry and his account of quick random sex might be enjoyed by some gay men for many varying reasons and in saying that there has to be women out there who love the serendipity of a thrilling ravaging exchange. However I am concerned with the silence that women have become accustomed to-some of the times- about what they actually enjoy. I have to finely tune the language here, but yes I do feel that the healthy and holistic relationship to nature and the human body is lacking and that there persists a dangerous duality between human ego and nature and of course sex. There I've said it. The cure: well poetry and literature of course. Yes men should read more poetry and embrace some of the healing, rather than judging the great books we read, we should be judged by them: avoiding an evident narrow, airtight, sealed world. One transmuted into other affairs. Fueling disembodied sexual moments, without perhaps a fluidity and moreover a finer more intuitive sense of what is sacred and a sense of our sexual predicament. I will remain cautious but really come on folks, you have to admit a slight bout of ambivalence, a behavior or expectation perhaps; I won't mention ego again. Oh yes you can start with the physical idea. Sometimes a gesture where an attitude starts up an idea in your mind but then there is also the belly, where I believe everything begins and it is definitely the most complex and fascinating of animals. The excitement, the butterflies and then the sexual resilience and the freedom where the sexual loyalties ultimately lie, reside and sometimes are made to feel comfortable. All that is needed now is an alliance which permeates throughout indulgence and passion; an infiltrating understanding. Okay here is the solution and I resort back to language and the imagination: if honestly used, can illuminate the contradictions that rack human consciousness while also embodying possibilities of renewed experiences. Okay this is for both genders: in sex such depth can appropriately avoid a well intended, enthusiastic gesture-of course-being slightly shunned. No more glimpses of a programmatic approach to the bedroom and rather unrestrained and expressive. Without this recipe in mind, there will unfortunately be that breath from the stomach that doesn't necessarily look forward to certain moments in sex. Maybe Fry meant for us to just sit quietly and first find ourselves, and then gradually allow for a subtle change of energy that might lead to a silent encounter: and even a loss of grip. Woman do enjoy sex, and we enjoy sex but maybe more with a sincere harvest through communication about what actually works and when. Style less, transparent. BM
