Ah, muses Nahed Nassr, the microbus! Wherever you happen to be going, there will be a microbus to take you there. The most practical option for low- to middle-income citizens strikes a balance between the impossibly uncomfortable bus and the unaffordable taxi, but whether or not they serve people, the "asphalt demons" who drive the deadly white box -- determined to maximise profit at the cost of both safety and common courtesy -- are arguably the reason behind the chaos of Cairo traffic. Microbus regulars agree that the issue is not whether or not to use the microbus but rather how to do so. To make it safely on time by microbus is a delicate skill with its own rules. When to avoid the microbus: Passengers disagree as to the best time of day to take the microbus; the verdict on when not to take it is unanimous. Seven to nine am is a bad idea, so is noon to three pm. Six to 10 pm comprises another, mostly downtown-bound rush hour, though. Yet since the vast majority of us are about to want to make a journey during one of those no-go periods -- your itinerary is largely irrelevant in this context -- it is well to remember that you will be expected to engage in a fierce sprint race to get a seat. Leave elegant outfits and precious or fragile belongings behind, brace yourself for exhaustion and watch the road closely. Being the first to arrive at the microbus stop in no way guarantees your being the first to get on. All are equal before God: Beyond the door of the microbus, no differences -- between men and women, the able-bodied and the elderly, the well- to-do and the poor -- are observed. Your safety and comfort will depend solely on your ability to pull and shove, to grab, twist and stand your ground. Survival for the fittest, in other words; and physical fitness does prove indispensable. The vehicles are intended for no more than 14 passengers, but no self-respecting microbus driver will budge before his vehicle 16-17 people on board. Getting in does not imply getting a seat; and once you do get a seat, that does not imply having it to yourself. Show no surprise or discomfiture if a baby is suddenly dropped in your lap, or a heavy bag is unexpectedly handed over. It is as likely as not that you will be granted only space enough for your legs, however, while the rest of your body is tortuously contorted in a sort of lean-over position; needless to say, you cannot stand upright in a microbus. Note that it takes attention and skill to avoid repeatedly hitting your head. Know how much the fare is: Having figured out where you might fit, it is time for the even trickier business of paying the fare. In the absence of any form of ticket, passengers regardless of their destination complain about the variability of the fare -- and the complete lack of change. Say the fare is 60 piastres and you don't have the 10 piastre change to get back half a pound: forget about the rest of that pound. Don't attempt to outsmart the driver, who is liable to stop suddenly -- anywhere -- in the middle of the road, until the missing amount has been handed over. Attack is the best means of defence: This is the adage to remember when it is time to exit the white box, and it holds especially true if your target destination is a microbus station. Think of all those who have been waiting, who will embark on the race to get a seat before you have had time to blink. Surprise them before they do you in -- push, push and push. Try not to end up on the same vehicle, going in the opposite direction.
