Restaurant review: Ancestral glory Walk past the artwork and rediscover the 1970s Crime is down. The butler throws the statistics on my morning tray without a word. Crime is down 1.4 per cent this quarter. It had to happen, I guess. We're a growing nation with big prospects. We have a QIZ agreement that will boost peace and economy, a currency that gets stronger each time it is slashed by one half, and now this. Going at this rate, in 17 years or so, we'll no longer need prisons. Everyone would be law-abiding, or in the Bahamas negotiating bank loans with top government officials. I can't stand prisons, not anymore. They just aren't what they used to be. We've abolished hard labour (having privatised the mines, the companies want no unskilled labour operating their expensive drills). We've abolished corporal punishment (the Swedes or someone crazier browbeat the government). And now we're running out of criminals. For the first time in decades, we have an excess supply of metal bars and electricity. And the Decorate Cairo Committee (DCC) is taking advantage of it all, buying all the bars and power our prisons can spare. The DCC is using the bars to line up the sidewalks, to ensure perfect separation of pedestrians and streets, in case anyone has any crazy notion of crossing to where they don't belong. I've lost two friends in Ramses Square last week and the rescue mission I sent after them has never returned. The brightness of it all! The brightness around the Mogamma Al-Tahrir outshines the glory of our entire ancestry, all the way to the time the gods took care of this country in person. Electricity that could burn incoming ships of invasion onto doomsday is being used in Tahrir in a single night. What for? To cause retinal damage to a select few, I am told. This is not fair. Think of the entire nation. Our nation is not all made up of eye doctors. There are millions of needy people in this country. At least, put some sharp spikes atop the metal barriers. The plastic surgeons need to eat too. One place the plastic surgeons could patronise, once the spikes are in place, is nearby. Arabesque has been around for almost 30 years now, offering solace to the nation, along with good art. The art lines up along the corridor that leads you, through a latticework door, into the restaurant. It changes every week or two, always a pleasant prelude to a good meal. I am there with the Intellectual and the Brunette. The Brunette has been coming here since she was six or seven. Her father is still a regular. Arabesque offers a variety of authentic Egyptian cuisine. I go there for the molokhia. I don't even need to order from the menu, which is a relief. We all have molokhia with chicken that night, although the option of molokhia with meat is available and at least as good. The restaurant is quiet. There are two other tables with mostly Westerners dining. Arabic music complements the décor which is low-key and conservative, with a touch of the oriental. For starters, we get mosakka (eggplant casserole), besara (crushed beans with spices), babaganoug (baked, spiced and mashed eggplants), and mayonnaise salad. The mayonnaise salad is something you should try, if only for the looks of it. It looks like sculpted ice, and is filled with peas and other vegetation. I hate it, but the Brunette and the Intellectual are ecstatic. They refer to it with pride, claiming that it's a relic from the 1970s, when mayonnaise was an avant-garde edible. Don't ask me why. I missed out on the 1970s. I missed the entire mayonnaise thing, being too busy dreaming of the day when power and steel are in excess supply. Arabesque, (02) 574 8677, 6 Qasr Al-Nil Street, open 12.30pm to 4pm and 7.30pm to midnight, offers reliable oriental cuisine and grills in a calm, conservative atmosphere. Alcohol available. Dinner for three, LE300. By Nabil Shawkat
