Happiness is not determined by destiny, and it can also be acquired. This is what professor of educational psychology Rabab Al-Sheshtawi told participants at a recent lecture at the Al-Sawy Culture Wheel in Cairo, giving her top 10 tips for happiness. First, “happiness is a path, and everyone can learn to make himself happy. In the field of human resources, for example, we see what each person is good at and then try to provide him with opportunities,” Al-Sheshtawi said. Second, happiness is about being ready for change. “Many Egyptians prefer to live stable lives. They rarely change their schools or their relationships or even their careers. There are advantages to this, but there are also disadvantages. Some people may pay a high price to keep a relationship going, when in fact they would be better off ending it, for example,” Al-Sheshtawi said. People with the birth sign of Cancer are often the most attracted to stability. They do not like to change anything in their lives since they prefer to stick to the same routines, she added. Third, “each person has a particular sound that makes them happy, like a code. This is why it is important for each person to seek out the sound that makes him happy and listen to it, especially at moments of frustration,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “It could be a piece of music, for example,” she added, commenting that Harvard University in the US had also organised a study to find out what makes people happy, in addition to good health and a longer life, and had found that good relationships are very important to lifelong happiness. “Always try to make friends who study or work in different fields since this will give you a better view of life,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “They can also help you out of any problems since they don't face the same problems as you do. Good relationships are not necessarily deep ones,” she added. Fourth, feelings are contagious, and they can be improved by keeping pets. In the US, elderly people are often encouraged to keep pets, as are children. “Expectation can lead to frustration. Do not expect a certain action from a certain person in order not to become frustrated when that action is not forthcoming. If your friend forgets your birthday, you should not be upset,” she said. This can easily happen owing to the fast pace of life. Fifth, “never force your children to be perfect because your dreams did not come true when you were their age. Don't allow a dream of perfection steal your happiness. Many people make the mistake of spending time, effort, and money on something, and then finding that it makes no difference when they have it. The things that do make a difference are often the ones we have missed,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “Try to live in the moment, since you never know what will happen tomorrow. Never be preoccupied with the future. There is no reason to feel under pressure all the time. If you are with your friends or family members now, you should enjoy the moment since some of them may be travelling tomorrow. Remember that the happiness of each person is his personal responsibility,” she said. Sixth, “fear kills happiness. Some people may fear they could be attacked. Others may fear they will fail an exam, in which case this may become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and they may forget everything they have learned,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “In order to escape this vicious circle, you should not think about the future since you have likely done what you could to succeed.” Seventh, it is important to learn to accept failure. “It is normal to fail at some point in your life, but what is important is that you can bounce back again. Failure is a step towards success. It is not the end of the world if you fail when you are learning. Out of failure you can make success,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “For example, if you have had a bad experience in a relationship you should start a new one. It is because of the pressures of society that divorce is considered to be taboo, when in fact if a person fails in a relationship, he should be encouraged to walk out of it since this is healthier for him and for the wider society in the long run,” she added. Eighth, “comparisons can be unhealthy and destructive. They can make people envy each other, like school teachers who reward top students but blame underachievers for their failure. They make the latter think that they are bad because the others are good,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “But you can't compare apples with oranges. Each person has different skills and abilities and is unique in his or her own field. Ten people can build ten houses, but one person cannot build a house on his own, so the important thing is to work together and not to be continually comparing yourself with others.” Ninth, “each person has his own timeline, so it is wrong to push oneself or others to do something in life or to get on with life simply because others have done so,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “A person should not be obsessed with future plans, since these can be left to destiny. Always do your work, expect the best, and be patient. Always believe in yourself,” she said. Tenth, “sometimes people may feel down and resort to psychiatrists who may prescribe mood-enhancing drugs. However, there are ways of improving your mood naturally, including by promoting the formation of such chemicals,” Al-Sheshtawi said. “When you see your friends or go for a walk you release stress and produce endorphin, a hormone associated with happiness. Dopamine is also a hormone that can be produced on a positive appraisal, and it can be obtained by giving or pat on the back,” she said. “The serotonin hormone, also a happiness hormone, is what you produce when you give someone something. All in all, if you stop using something, life will take it from you, which is why we should try to promote a culture of giving. Even a cup of coffee and two bananas or a piece of chocolate can sometimes improve a person's mood,” Al-Sheshtawi concluded.
