Restaurant review: Legends of blossoming love The one where "chopsticks culture" wins all We're stalled trying to download Kim Jong II's Reality- TV show. We're "doing Korean" tonight so this is where our contestable erudition has led us, the final pit stop of our sophistication, our ultimate sublimation. The Pest is among us, joined by her current boyfriend/detainee Opulence Jr (OJ). Her flat mate, our Korean consigliere for the night, has also been summoned to adjudicate. She begins to nag about her impending hunger. In silky tones I set out to seduce her imagination: The Legend of Blossoming Love for on the Spot Guidance includes rare footage of North Korea's "Great General" as he magnanimously "warms [his army] like the sun" with his mere presence and offers his soldiers guidance on brushing their teeth and colour-coordinating their fatigues, especially episode six. But the search engines refuse to back me up so we leave. A car ride later we're seated in the well-reputed Hana Barbeque restaurant. It's a spacious dining hall, and the vibe is unquestionably homely. Come dinner time owner/ manager Hong-Sik Yoon's wife and kids can be found huddled round the family TV next to the bar. You can't exactly throw your feet up, but the officiousness registers instantly. The décor, a medley of Korean knick-knacks, is kitschy but inoffensive. And though the overhead exhaust fans are essential given the table grills, their combined effect with the ubiquitous over-lit wood panelling is that of dining in the extended living room of a park trailer -- uncomely, though not off-putting. I ask our consigliere for a first impression. "Lotta white people around," he observes. Fair enough. The Pest is fussy so we move to a bigger table, menus in hand. Consigliere exhibits a keen work ethic and doesn't waste any time setting us straight about what's Korean and what's not, the words "buck wheat" punched with maximum emphasis. We ask our waiters for recommendations only to discover that, though their hustle is brisk, when it comes to the edibles they're fairly clueless. That, however, doesn't prevent us from ordering gluttonously. The food arrives and dish after dish pours onto our grateful table. The baby potatoes in the ban chan (starters) are doused in soy and sesame and we clean them off and ask for more before you can say dumplings, which along with the spring rolls are extra crisp and sumptuous. We're collectively stunned at the freshness of the sashimi (sea bass in this instance), but when it comes to making an impression the bulgogi (barbeque beef), the unofficial house special, delivers the knock-out blow. Marinated to perfection, OJ keeps picking at the thin strips, spoilt with charcoal lovin', wishing he'd ordered the same. He's momentarily roused from his beef-flavoured stupor, realises his partner/captor has been addressing him, something about hers not being a "chopsticks culture", and then goes back to ignoring her. The traditional bim bim bap (mixed vegetables and rice, and in this case adorned with a fried egg) arrives and demonstrates the chef's aesthetic as well as culinary prowess, and our consigliere nods his approval. OJ finally gets his crispy duck and it just looks too good to watch him eat it alone, so we all charge. Awaiting the cheque we concur that we were treated to a melee of mouth-watering flavours. Those who'd been here before note the food's marked improvement. At one point our consigliere was seen happily munching away at the kim chee (pickled cabbage), which he'd proclaimed on a previous occasion "tasted like feet". More white people arrive so we pay and leave. The force of OJ's lethargy is fierce so he can't be bothered to drive the Pest home. The tone of her reply implies the threat of a severe reckoning. I recall Kim Jong II and it becomes painfully obvious that there's no blossoming love here, but at least we had the consigliere for on the spot guidance. Hana Restaurant -- Korean Barbeque. 21 Mahaad Swisry St, Nile Zamalek Hotel, Zamalek. Tel: 02 738 2972. Opening Hours: 12pm-11pm, daily. Dinner for two, LE150. By Waleed Marzouk
