The idea most people have of a Salafist, or a so-called traditional Islamic wedding, is that of a dull ceremony without the least of what could be termed as fun. However, Youssef Sokkar and his wife Yomna Al-Ashry provided better insight into a traditional Islamic wedding from a Salafist perspective and how life is lived in Salafist families. Sokkar and Al-Ashry's relationship started at university three years ago. Al-Ashry, a human resources graduate from a Salafi family, said that “I have never felt the urge to do something I do not want. Every decision I have taken from choosing my major at university to wearing the niqab [full face veil] and getting married have been mine and mine alone.” Sokkar said that as a couple the two young people had suffered from stereotyping because they were what society terms as “religious”. “Many of our friends and even some of our relatives got the idea that we had got married without even seeing each other. Things had got to that extent,” he commented. Sokkar added that most Egyptian families “share to some extent” the values on which his marriage is based. However, both young people said that their history was a bit complicated because “he was a research assistant and my graduation project advisor” Al-Ashry recalls. Sokkar proposed to her the second time he saw her, she said, “which may seem odd for some people”. According to Sokkar, Salafist rules say that any relationship must have a purpose, which is why it was so important for him to make his intentions clear. “I liked her personality and I wanted her to be my wife,” he said with amusement in his voice. What stands out in Al-Ashry and Sokkar's relationship is that they got engaged in order to know each other better and not the other way around. “Usually people get engaged when they are 100 per cent sure they are going to marry one another and spend the rest of their lives together,” they say. Al-Ashry and Sokkar's wedding was a traditional one with two separate halls, one for the women and another for the men, which was preferable to both families. This gave the women the freedom to dance without wearing the niqab, while the men were able to dance to dabkeh tunes and drums. Al-Ashry reveals that Sokkar is an exceptionally talented vocalist. “He wrote our wedding nasheed [song]. He has an amazing voice,” she said. Things can pose more of a problem when the two sides in a relationship come from different cultural and/or religious backgrounds. Noha Al-Semary recounts her two years of engagement to a Salafi man who proposed to her when she was in her senior year at university. Al-Semary comes from a religious family, has never missed a prayer since she was 13, wears the hijab and is reserved in manner. When it came to marriage, Al-Semary's number one concern was religion. “I wanted someone who came from a strong religious background, someone who would bring me closer to God,” she said. Her ex-fiancé was both intellectual and had a great personality. However, despite their mutual attraction when he officially proposed to her he brought along a list of things he expected his future wife to do. For instance, “he did not want me to talk to men at my workplace, and of course this was impossible,” Al-Semary said. As much as she wished the relationship to work, she felt that too much pressure was being put on her in the name of religion. “I come from a religious family, so I knew that some of the requests were rather extreme,” she said. After months of trying to find common ground, Al-Semary chose to end the engagement. “It hurts me that religion was used in this way, when it reality it represents the concepts of freedom of expression, equality and women's rights, unlike what some members of our society think,” she said. Walid Al-Haddad, a psychologist who specialises in Islamic marriage counseling, said that according to his research many Egyptians tend to link traditions or habits to religion to make them more acceptable. “It has become common, particularly in arranged marriages, for the man to ask the woman not to wear this or not to do that, without the modesty or space to achieve common ground. In reality, these kinds of requests are social, not religious,” he said.
