Learning how to lead a successful married life has become more necessary than ever, reports Ghada Abdel-Kader The divorce rate is rising among young Egyptian couples, especially in their first years of marriage. According to Egypt's Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS), almost 51,775 cases of divorce were reported in 2008, compared to 46,250 cases in 2007. In 2006, there were around 39,407 cases, with 39,292 cases of divorce in the first year of marriage being reported in 2005. Such statistics have caused the Egyptian Foundation for Family Development (EFFD) to issue the first ever guide of its kind in Egypt that seeks to lend a hand to the engaged and newly-wed. The guide explains how to select a marriage partner and gives solutions to various problems a couple might face in enjoying a healthy and successful marital life. In particular, the guide aims to decrease the divorce rate among newly- weds in their first five years of marriage, a crucial period in any marriage. The guide tries to provide answers to the questions young people may have about marriage, as well as about the framework of the marital relationship, the roles of the husband and the wife, the differences in nature between the sexes and the importance of choosing the right life partner. According to Executive Director of the EFFD Hala Abdel-Kader, the new guide is part of a pilot programme that aims to test people's responses in creating further programmes. "We don't have a specific project for youth, so we are targeting young people in this project," Abdel-Kader explains. The guide was prepared by Hoda Zakaria, a professor of sociology at Zagazig University and advisor to the EFFD, who comments that many young people think that love is enough to sustain a successful marriage. However, any married couple needs to consider the different requirement of the two marriage partners and to learn the basics of the art of living together, Zakaria says. "People don't like reading academic treatises or having things explained to them in books. This guide is designed to be a kind of small capsule that will whet their appetite as readers to find out more," she says. Thirty-year-old Nadine Nabil, deputy-director of the Media-Arts for Development Association, agrees with Zakaria. Married for almost seven years, Nabil believes that the nature of men and women is different. "We don't have TV programmes, movies or series that teach people how to deal with the problems they face in their married lives," Nabil says. Moreover, according to Zakaria, there is an increasing gap between the older and younger generations in society, and the traditional role of the grandmother, teaching grandchildren what to expect in life, is now increasingly missing. "Society is in need of a person to play the role of the grandmother," Zakaria says. In that grandmother's absence, a how-to guide can play a second-best role. As part of its marriage-guidance work, the EFFD recently organised a free three-day training course for engaged and newly married couples covering the Imbaba, Awsem, Warraq and Nahia districts of Cairo. The training included three phases: acceptance of others and the principles of making a proper choice; reasons or causes of divorce and marital breakdown; and raising the awareness of married couples regarding the legal rights of each side. "93 young men and women took part in the training, and five seminars were held for 130 mothers-in-law," explains Abdel-Kader, adding that the EFFD's new guide emerged from a previous round of training. The training apparently had a positive impact on the trainees, with trainee Hala saying that "I learnt how to be calm and to accept and respect others. I was very nervous before and couldn't reach an understanding with my fiancé." Another trainee, Mona, who suffers from serious misunderstandings and disputes with her husband, said that after the training she had become more aware of how to deal with him and her children. "I used to quarrel with my husband all the time, and this badly affected my children," she said. In an interview with Al-Ahram Weekly, lawyer and legal advisor to the EFFD Azza Salaheddin said that "the divorce rate in modern marriages is higher than it was in the past, and there are also misconceptions about the legal position." Next month, Salaheddin added, the EFFD would be producing a further guide for couples on reproductive health. Abdel-Kader explains that the mission of the EFFD is to support the social, economic and legal rights of Egyptian families. "We aim to promote values of fairness and equality between family members and in society by creating awareness among different social classes. We provide families with access to channels that work on safe-guarding their rights, in addition to putting them in contact with other NGOs and government agencies," she said. Supporting the social and economic rights of the family is also part of the EFFD's mission, and it aims to provide support to young people of both sexes. "We support the legal, social and political rights of women and lobby for better living conditions for women. We also support children's rights by advocating on issues related to child protection and working on increasing the attention given to such issues," states Abdel-Kader. In addition, the EFFD carries out research on issues concerning under- privileged families, ranging from health, education and employment issues to legal issues and issues of active participation in civic life. How to have a happy marriage Main elements of the art of living together include: Choice of life partner; Relationships with others; Conflicting roles; Mistakes that can be avoided. Basics of a right choice: Physical, spiritual and emotional attraction is necessary, but couples should also have factors in common on matters of affection, temper, morals, ambitions, common goals and social standards; Couples should be matching in age, social status, culture, and educational and economic standards; There should be clarity and honesty between the members of a couple, and there should be opportunities to get to know each other; Ideally, each member of a couple should exhibit a mature personality, including the ability to adapt, to exercise self-control, to accept others and adapt to other people's needs. Being responsible and not getting emotionally carried away are also important factors. Mistakes made by women in marriage include: Giving advice to husbands on how to improve behaviour when this advice may be unwelcome or unasked for; Acting as a mother to their husbands, or treating them as children to be managed; Not recognising what their husbands have done for them; Criticising their husbands instead of encouraging them. Mistakes made by men: Not listening to wives and not paying attention to them; Always having to be right; Neglecting wives' feelings and focussing on work or children; Listening to their wives without comment and then avoiding them.
