I used to think too often of retirement day, retirement age and pensioning off. I also used to imagine myself reaching the legal age, which is known as old age. But my thinking – albeit it was emotional – was mainly about my job. My imagination was focused on who is going to be my successor in this post, and what type of procedures would be taken in order to assign this person to this post. Out of job-related jealousy, and the unjustified concern about the foundation, which I can claim that I had contributed very significantly to its formal, technical, banking and functional reorganisation, I was always preoccupied with imagining who that person would be. Would he be worthy of this post? How would he be chosen? Would he have the same personal, functional and administrative qualifications I have? Would he follow the same course I followed or would he follow a new one? Would he destroy all that I had done or would he carry it through? What would he say about me? Would he praise or blast me? And, above all, how would be the encounter between him and me? How would I control my emotions, when meeting him for the first time, so that they would not expose my inner feelings while giving up my baby, – I mean the bank – willingly, to whom they expect would take care of it more than I do? Would there be a farewell party for me? Or would it be a reception party for him, where my farewell would be just a part of the reception party program? At that party, who would the employees join more? The newcomer to welcome him, show their respect and esteem for him and get closer to him? Or the departing, out of honoring, sympathy and gratitude for him? And would the photographer, who used to stick around me and my movements, continue to behave that way or would he follow the new general manager and take shots for me only occasionally? After the party ends and everybody leaves, how would I get out of the party site? Would I be surrounded, as before, by those close ones who would not leave me until my car moves away? Or would I leave alone and wait for the driver, if he would stay with me, to get the car while I am waiting alone in the cold night wind? … All of these ideas passed through my mind while imagining retirement, retirement age, pensioning off and the procedures taken in all of that… But what I could not get off my mind was the process of handing over my duties, an administrative process followed whenever an employee is transferred from one place to another. In the position he would be transferred from, he would hand over all of what was in his custody to his successor. And in the position he would be transferred to, he would take over what was in his successor's custody. This handing over procedure is followed even during long annual leaves. In my case, a handover must take place between my successor and me. My imagination began to ponder about how to carry out this process. I began to ask myself: "How am I going to hand over the bank? Would it be that easy to hand over, willingly, all of what I built and all of what I was fought for, all of the sufferings I incurred to make it survive, and all my struggle to make it grow and prosper? This is not easy for me. I imagined it as if it were real. My mind was fully convinced of all the procedures that were going to take place in regard to reaching retirement age. My heart refused but to go on in my position as long as I am still alive. In fact, I considered myself selfish about all that, not acknowledging the time and how it goes around, and the reign and how it is gained and taken away. I asked God's forgiveness for what surged in the bottom of my heart. I wished to be realistic and to expect everything. I wished to expect to hand over and my substitute to receive, to smile and be optimistic about the other life that would be awaiting me. I should thank God for handing over the custody while I am still in good health, and I will deal with the matter in high spirits. Due to a dispute between a new Chairman of the Board of Directors and me, I could not bear to cooperate with, as others did. During a meeting with the Board of Directors, I left the bank with a feeling of distress that was more than I could tolerate. This distress was not alleviated by the dismissal of this Chairman a few months after I left the bank. I left the bank while I had not reached the retirement age yet, I was not honored by a ceremony or a speech. No one bid me farewell. My perception and imagination were nothing but nonsense, for I did not hand over anything and my successor did not receive anything!
