By: Simon Willis A long swift animal skittered out of the main entrance of an apartment block. The dark brown creature scooted along the kerbstones for a metre. The mongoose turned left and hid under a parked car. Such a beast had I not seen since 1993, when I rented a ground-floor flat in Damascus Street, Heliopolis. There was even access to a garden. However, that the unidentified neighbours a few floors above insisted on disposing of fish skeletons in ‘my' garden was one of the greatest drawback of living so close to Mother Earth at that time. The other bugbear was the fact that a mongoose (or perhaps several individuals of the species) used my apartment as a corridor from the back yard to the street. And why would a mongoose want to go out into the street? Buy the daily newspaper and a couple of cigarettes. If you think that last comment was flippant, the following shows there are some comedians in cyberspace. The following petition was submitted to the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government on 1 May 2013, proposing that the plural of ‘mongoose' should be altered from ‘mongooses' to ‘mongeese'. The petitioner went on to say that the collective noun should be ‘gaggle', by analogy with a gaggle of geese. ‘This is an important issue as I would very much like to hear [English broadcaster and naturalist] David Attenborough discuss a "gaggle of mongi".'the petitioner writes. The petition, however, was rejected because "It's about something that the UK Government or Parliament is not responsible for." "We only reject petitions that don't meet the petition standards," say the writers for the website petition.parliament.uk. Wait a moment. The authors of the above sentences clearly have had scant training in officialese. Surely, the petition has been rejected since it "comes outside the remit of the government or parliament, or external to the purview of these august institutions. Perhaps those who typed "It's about something..." might have been restrained from writing: "It ain't nuffin' to do wiv wot the govmint or parlament do." Believe me, the English language is fast going to hell in a handcart. (Can a language be consigned to infernal punishment for eternity, regardless of the mode of transport to this destination?) The inheritors of the tongue of Shakespeare and Milton are using apostrophes in plural formations, as in the notice at a railway station that read: "This way to train's" and writes the adverbial phrase "every day" as one word, as if it is an adjective, occurring in everyday speech and writing. They are in a parlous state. And what about the position of ‘only' in "We only reject..."? How about this, then: Only petitions that fail to meet the requisite standards are rejected. What's wrong with a passive? Even so, consider the number of man- and woman hours devoted to teaching the nation's youth about active and passive in both Arabic and English grammar, only to be forgotten after the examination. But I digress. Now, the Egyptian mongoose, known locally as nams. I believed that the mongoose is an example of a creature adapting well to an urban environment. Consequently, I found a website amazingadaptations.weebly.com. which offered the following. "Don't be fouled (sic) by its cute looks, because the Egyptian mongeese adaptation is a strong jaw with sharp teeth and has loose dense fur. This fur ensures that when snakes bite, the venom does not get to the blood streem (sic). It also has strong front paws to help break eggs and strong eyesight to help it hunt at night. The Egyptian mongeese hunt in packs and are very deadly. They eat a lot of snakes so that is why they have loose dense fur. By the way, it looks like a wesle (sic) [full-stop missing]. I rest my case. Well, not quite. The Egyptian mongoose (Herpestes ichneumon), also known as the ichneumon, which is found Morocco, Libya, Spain, Portugal, Israel, Palestine, and most of sub-Saharan Africa. It has been around the block, as according to recent research the mongoose entered Europe in the Pleistocene period, 2.6 million years ago. The Egyptian variety is between 48–60 centimetres in length and weighs 1.7–4 kg. The body is slender. Its snout is pointed and its ears small. Its 35-40 teeth make short work of meat. Its long, coarse fur ranges from grey to reddish brown and is ticked with brown or yellow flecks. If the Greek god Zeus could adopt different forms – bull, swan, eagle, and a real party piece, shower of gold – the ancient Egyptian god Ra would change into a giant ichneumon to fight the evil god-snake Apopis. How ‘Appropriate'! Worship of the ichneumon has been evidenced in Buto, Sais, Athribis, Bubastis, Herakleopolis Magna and Heliopolis, which might explain my mongoose on Muntaza Street on the way to Hegaz Square. Besides, multiple ichneumon mummies have been found. (I had to slip in ‘multiple' – it's all the rage.) The word "mongoose" is said to derive from the Marathi name mungūs and ultimately from the Telugu name mungisa or Kannada mungisi. So if you happen to be in the vicinity of Mumbai, Raipur, or Hyderabad (India), they will know what you are talking about. There is no connection with goose, and the plural is ‘mongooses', which might be a jar on the ear, but comedians on line, beware. These feliform creatures, meaning shaped like a cat – a funny kind of cat that must have had an argument with the neighbourhood makwagi (ironing man) – live in burrows and feed on small mammals, birds, reptiles, eggs, and occasionally fruit. One wonders what kind of prey might lurk in that garden where they used to dump their fish waste. Goodness knows what might have been skulking in the bushes and dark purple plants. However, your friendly fleet footed friend is at risk of snake bite. They are not immune to venom and they are reputed to eschew herbal remedies if bitten. No, they go to the nearest pharmacy. So, there you have it: a bit of urban natural history in your quest to understand your environment.