AFTER long months of absence, her voice came to me across the phone asking my advice of what she should do to please her husband and so obtain the blessing of Allah. Should she obey him and never contact or visit any of her family members including her parents, as he has ordered, or should she follow Allah's recommendation to be caring and tender with our parents? Like millions of Egyptian women, Sherihan was raised on the idea of obeying the husband's orders, even if they appeared unfair and unacceptable. Since her marriage to the young man Moustafa, Sherihan has been keen to fully obey and respect her spouse and his family, with whom she lives in the same building. However, on the other hand, Moustafa hasn't similarly reciprocated his wife's actions, as he has never shown such respect to her family and, accordingly, never accompanied his wife on a visit to her parents and did not receive them well on their occasional visits to their daughter. All this was still bearable for the young wife who justified her husband's attitude towards her family to the occasional differences that sometimes arise between families of a couple ahead of their marriage, and which she hoped would fade away with the passing of time. Unfortunately, his feelings escalated, reaching the stage of a possible divorce, if Sherihan dared to ask to visit her family, even if only once or twice a year. She phoned me in tears to ask what she should do to remain married to the father of her son and at the same time not be deprived of contacting and seeing her family. Instead of giving her a clear answer, I wished that I could have had contact with her husband and all other such men. I wanted to ask them: how could they request their wives to show them all respect, love and care while neglecting the personal feelings and love of their wives for their families? Could any of those domineering men, who might father daughters, sharing with them common memories of happy days, imagine that one day a man might come to prevent them from seeing their daughters after marriage? If Sherihan had directed her question to a Muslim cleric, she would have received the traditional answer of obeying her spouse and never going out of their house without his permission, even if her father or mother were sick or dying. He would surely support his fatwa (religious edict) with dozens of Qur'anic verses and hadith (sayings and traditions of the Prophet Mohamed) reminding her of the wife's duty towards her husband. On this same basis, senior clerics of Al- Azhar (the highest Sunni Islam institution) opposed a recent ruling passed by Egypt's Administrative Court giving a wife the right to travel without written permission from her husband. This one-sided vision of our respectable scholars reflects their apparent negligence of many other Qur'anic verses and hadith, recommending men to be caring, showing tenderness and a sense of responsibility towards their wives. They also give the impression that all the verses that urged Muslims to look after their parents are directed at Muslim men only or to women until they are married, when they have to sever their ties with their families and parents if their husbands so desire! How can we not understand the wisdom of the Prophet's advice to one of his followers, when he was complaining of his parents' hatred of the Prophet himself and Islam? The Prophet advised the man to pray for them and to continue to respect and care for them. Despite being infidels and not believing in the oneness of Allah, the Prophet still counselled their son to be kind to them in agreement with verses 14,15 of suret luqman of the Qur'an that read: “And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him. And in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), “Show gratitude to Me and thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal. “But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me ...” This is how Islam came to enhance the rights of the parents, even if they were not believers in Allah, which means that no-one should abandon their parents, no matter what the circumstances may be. Therefore, religious clerics should request husbands not to deprive their wives of visiting their parents and taking care of them if they are aged or sick. In other words, we should stop such one-sided fatwas being issued and work on ensuring justice between disputing persons especially married couples. Omar ben Al-Khattab, the second Caliph in Islam, was one of those followers who gave a great example of this required objectivity in declaring judgement. Once, an aged man came to complain to him about his son's negligence. As expected, Omar felt deep sadness and anger against the young man, for his disobedience of Allah's command to care for his parents. The son, in turn, asked the Caliph about the parents' duties towards their children. Omar said they had to select their wives well, as future mothers to their children, to give them a good name and spend money on raising them. The man responded that his father had selected the worst woman in the tribe to be his wife, and given him a bad name and never spent anything on feeding him. Herein, Caliph Omar turned to the father telling him that: “You abandoned your son, when he was weak and young, as he done you in your old age”. This is how the Caliph realised that rights and duties are reciprocal and the relation between people is not one-sided. Allah who created Adam and Eve from a single soul did not give priority to one or the other in respect of their rights. Instead each of them should respect his or her duties in the same way as requesting his or her rights. How do we keep on requiring a woman to observe her duties towards her husband, so as to never get out of her house for a short visit to her family without his permission while not questioning the husband? We need to ask him about his forcing his wife to cut off her ties with her family in violation of Allah's command to us all to maintain friendly and loving relations with all members of our family and not just our parents, brothers and sisters. Most importantly, how could those men not understand that respecting their wives' families is an integral part of their love and kindness towards them? Once, a Muslim follower asked the Prophet Mohamed, while he was in the company of many people, about the person dearest to his heart. To their surprise, the Prophet answered: “Aisha,” his wife. The man then corrected his question, saying that he meant of the men. The Prophet replied: “ Her father”, referring to Abu Bakr. First of all the Prophet felt no shame in expressing his love of his wife, in the presence of a number of his companions. When asked about the closest person to his heart of the men he still connected this to his wife by saying “her father” instead of naming him as Abu Bakr, his friend and his companion on the Hijrah (migration from Mecca to Medina, in the present day Saudi Arabia). Neither did he describe him as or the first person to follow Allah when the Prophet received the first revelation of Islam's holy Book of the Qur'an. It seems as if he meant to say that it is enough for Abu Bakr to be the father of his beloved wife Aisha to be the closest man to his heart. How come Muslims have distanced themselves from the great Sunnah (words and practices) of the Prophet Mohamed (PBUH)? Why could men not show some respect to their parents- in-law just for the sake of their wives' feelings? Why do we need to seek a court ruling or a religious edict from today's clerics to govern our relations with our spouses? 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